Illustration by Tequitia Andrews
Ours is an interfaith household. I grew up Christian, and my wife is Jewish. From Thanksgiving through New Year’s Eve, we’re packing in Hanukkah, Christmas, four birthdays and a wedding anniversary, culminating in the “Week of Warren” at the end of the year, when six of these events take place in the span of just a few days. It’s our way of honoring our cultural and faith backgrounds and having family fun in the process.
Last year’s “Week of Warren’’ was especially fun because Christmas and Hanukkah coincided. My heart filled with gratitude at seeing our home decorated with the Christmas tree in a corner of the living room and our collection of menorahs on the credenza in the dining room. We hosted a Hanukkah dinner for some of our neighbors. For many, it was their first time celebrating the holiday. And for our Jewish friends and neighbors, it was an occasion to gather both in celebration of their own faith and cultural identity, and in fellowship with others.
Interfaith holidays offer opportunities to learn more about one another’s cultures and customs, but even then, there are no guarantees of a conflict-free holiday season. Differences in traditions and beliefs might seem magnified at times, making it harder to find what we have in common. But as the Rev. Jay Patrick of Liberation Church Richmond told me, “Although different and steeped in deep and rich tradition, much of our faith is guided by universal principles such as kindness, empathy, generosity and servitude. There are so many things we can do together that transcend our differences and unite us for the greater good.”
This resonated with me, and seems to align with what Rabbi Michael Rose Knopf of Richmond’s Temple Beth-El says about seeing ourselves as candles in the menorah, as lights that shine brighter together: “The menorah, the central symbol of Hanukkah, reminds us that just as one candle can add more light to the world without diminishing its own, so, too, must we remember that working for the uplift of others magnifies, rather than diminishes, our own lights.”
Staying focused on joy, peace and hope can be a cure for what ails us. The Rev. William Gipson, a faith leader at the University of Pennsylvania and my former college chaplain, suggests interfaith families lean into “mystery” during the holidays. “Mystery insists on humility if we wish to experience the awe of the holidays. Beyond our most well-thought-out theologies, doctrines and even dogmas there is more that The Great Mystery invites us to experience. Holidays in interfaith marriages are fertile ground for these experiences. And it requires humility to experience this and to appreciate it.”
These words of encouragement remind us to focus on love and respect and to embrace what each of us brings to the holiday table, while also celebrating the parts of our faith and traditions that unite us. In our family, we’ve found three takeaways from our experience that could inspire others.
1. Be curious. For us, it appears through a willingness to try new things (and foods!) and create traditions together.
2. Offer respect. My spouse and I had to make a commitment to celebrate and honor each other’s customs, even when we didn’t always understand them.
3. Have patience. We’ve found we need to give one another the time and space necessary to approach the holidays in a blended way, and to make them inviting for family members.
If your family is new to the interfaith holiday process, or you simply want to be a more supportive and in-the-know friend, colleague or neighbor, the Virginia Center for Inclusive Communities publishes a calendar that indicates major holidays across many faith traditions, including Judaism, Christianity and Islam. As you plan your celebrations — whether you celebrate as an interfaith family or don’t practice religious observances at all — may you celebrate the season respectfully, inclusively and, yes, joyfully.
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