Ajay Brewer and his son, Parker, 4. Brewer is competing in the Relationship Foundation of Virginia's Funding Fathers fundraising contest. (Photo courtesy Relationship Foundation of Virginia)
If you think “dad bods” are a problem, try absentee fathers. At 64%, Richmond has one of the highest single-parent birthrates in the country, closely linked to the number of families raised by single mothers.
“We want to change that and hopefully get dads more active in the lives of their children,” says Chris Beach, executive director of the Relationship Foundation of Virginia. Since June, eight local fathers have been helping the Richmond-based foundation reach that goal through fundraising in its annual Funding Fathers contest. The money the men raise goes toward the foundation’s Boot Camp for New Dads and Inside/Out Dad, a program to help incarcerated fathers reconnect with their children.
This year’s fundraising will culminate in an Aug. 16 event at Tang & Biscuit, where the father who raises the most money will be crowned the “Father Figure.”
This year’s participants include an adoptive dad and a father of seven. Ajay Brewer, a single father of a 4-year-old son and owner of Brewer’s Cafe and Brewer’s Waffles in Richmond's South Side, is also a participant.
“A lot of folks that I grew up with didn’t have a present father,” he says, “so it’s good, I guess, to be recognized, but it’s probably even better to be [an] inspiration for other fathers out there to be as active as they possibly can [be] in their child’s life.”
To raise money, Brewer deployed social media and asked for donations at his businesses’ events. Another “funding father” conducted a 12-hour-long “Facebook-a-thon,” where he livestreamed on the social media platform in an effort to raise funds. A gym-owning dad held an event called “Burpees, Dunking and Dogs for Dads,” featuring a dunk tank, cookout and a challenge to do multiple burpees within five minutes to raise money.
Beach says the men have raised $33,000 so far, and he is hoping to break $45,000.
Sam Poole, a participant in last year’s event and an adoptive dad of two boys, is now a Relationship Foundation of Virginia board member and a mentor to current participant Matt Bahen, an adoptive father of one. The two men have helped start a boot camp for adoptive fathers at the foundation.
“I worked hard to become a dad through adoption,” Poole says, “so it’s important to me that we leave that great legacy and set a great example of participation, love, humor and excitement for kind of the journey of life through my kids.”
Brewer says he looks forward to attending the Father Figure celebration, which will feature a live band, silent auction and games, and where he will be among other fathers like him.
“It’s exciting to be around people that live their life like I do, and they put their kids first, and there’s not a job or a school or a person that could keep them away from them, so that energy is … kind of rare to see from the father figure,” Brewer says.
Beach notes that a maternal influence is as important as a paternal one, but adds that there are already a number of nonprofit organizations for moms, but not so for dads.
“If we were able to get dads active in the lives of their children early, before the baby’s born, in the early parts of their childhood, a lot of children would not live in poverty, a lot of children would not drop out of school, a lot of children would not become teenage parents,” Beach says. “And if we can do that for one dad, we’re making a difference.”
Asked about the importance of being an exemplary father, Brewer starts to explain the value of the role, but then he offers a more simple explanation: “I just really love my son," he says. "It just really comes down to love."
The fourth annual Father Figure takes place at Tang & Biscuit on Aug. 16 from 7 to 11 p.m.
