If you think that all the good ones are taken, think again. The 20 eligible singles on the following pages disprove that undying canard pretty quickly. From a dreadlocked jazz musician to a Brooks Brothers-clad businessman, from an adventure-traveling lawyer to a City Council vice president, they all have one thing in common -- they're eligible singles in the River City. In addition to this cross-section of the region's dating population, we've also got first-person accounts by singles across the spectrum, from an online-dating twentysomething to a divorced mother of three who's happily single but still looking. Finally, for those occasions when things don't work out, we talked to local mental-health pros for suggestions on breaking up without breaking someone's spirit. Here's hoping that's advice you won't need.
Aaron Gilchrist, 26
WWBT NBC 12 Morning News Anchor
Residence: Chesterfield.
Status: Single.
Alma mater: Virginia Commonwealth University.
What did he want to be when he grew up? "An industrial psychologist who pretty much just deals with employee issues." Why? "I knew that I liked talking to people and listening to people, and it's something that interested me."
Hobbies: "I'm a theater buff and I read when I can. ... I'm really kind of boring."
Three people he would invite to dinner: Actor Patrick Stewart, U.S. Sen. Barack Obama, and anti-Nazi activist and author Hiltgunt Zassenhaus.
If he were a cartoon character, he would be: "The character from He-Man -- the little sidekick friend, the sorcerer. He was a weird, geeky guy, but he was the guy you always wanted around."
Characteristics for his ideal mate include: "Funny, willing to listen to my bad jokes, someone who is willing to challenge me intellectually and who likes to travel. I just like to get in the car and go."
Who is the most influential person of the last 200 years? "President John F. Kennedy."
Liza Robison, 50s
Transaction Manager for Commonwealth of Virginia Division of Real Estate Services
Residence: The West End.
Status: Divorced.
Alma maters: University of South Carolina (undergrad); University of California Hastings College of the Law.
Dream vacation: "I love to travel. I've done safari in Africa and a lot of adventure travel. But the dream vacation would be to combine a real interesting cultural experience with some type of exercise. Biking, hiking or sailing. Machu Picchu or white-water rafting in the Grand Canyon."
Last book read: The Power of One, the story of an English boy growing up in World War II-era South Africa, by Bryce Courtenay.
Greatest accomplishment: "Completing two sprint triathlons."
Does she believe in fate? "I do ... and I believe in coincidences."
Three people she would invite to dinner: Colin Powell, Thomas Jefferson and Eleanor Roosevelt.
Characteristics of her ideal mate include: "Sense of humor, intelligence, active lifestyle, loves to travel and try new places
and learn about cultures."
Will Massey, 30
Manager of Business Development for Compass Coal Energy
Residence: The West End.
Status: Single.
Alma mater: University of Richmond.
Most exotic place he's visited: Costa Rica. "Some of the best light-tackle sport fishing and surfing in the world."
Does he believe in fate? "No, because I'm a realist."
Who is the most influential person of the last 200 years?
"Martin Luther King Jr. -- because he desegregated society."
Best place to take a date in Richmond: "My house, because I live on the river and we can go fishing or canoeing."
Favorite movie: Gladiator.
Why hasn't he found The One? "I really haven't been looking, haven't really cared up to this point. I enjoyed being single, but honestly it would be nice to have someone to talk to on a regular basis."
Sarah Huggins, 23
Criminal Justice Graduate Student at Virginia Commonwealth University; Administrative Assistant for the Public Safety Institute at Virginia Commonwealth University
Residence: Chesterfield County.
Status: Single.
Alma mater: Virginia Commonwealth University.
Her biggest accomplishment: "Getting a scholarship from VCU for a master's in criminal justice in 2007 and a Ph.D. in public policy in 2009."
She's turned off by: "Black socks and white shoes, bad breath, and
bad teeth."
Does she believe in fate? "There are some situations and circumstances where God just brings you together."
Characteristics for her ideal mate include: "A Christian, integrity, a sense of humor and easygoing."
Three people she would invite to dinner: First lady Laura Bush, Oprah Winfrey and Johnny Depp.
What did she want to be when she grew up? "A veterinarian or a dolphin trainer for Sea World."
Maya Erhardt, 32
Manager of Marketing for Richmond SPCA
Residence: Glen Allen.
Status: Single.
Alma mater: Old Dominion University.
Dream vacation: "There are five terraces, five little towns all on the coast around Liguria, Italy."
Does she believe in fate? "No. I don't think things are predetermined, but I do believe that what you put out there comes back to you. It's more karma than fate."
Favorite movie: The Philadelphia Story.
If she were a cartoon character, she would be: "Wile E. Coyote, because he's always making plans that don't quite work, but he never gave up. He had a lot of tenacity."
Hobbies: "Spending time at the SPCA, gardening and entertaining -- I'm a wannabe Martha Stewart."
She's turned off by: "I don't like guys that cut corners, that look for the easy way out of any situation."
Jackie Jackson, 35
Richmond City Council Vice President; Capital One Supplier Diversity Manager
Residence: Richmond.
Status: Single.
Alma maters: North Carolina A&T State University (undergrad); MBA from the University of Richmond.
Who is the most influential person of the last 200 years? "Oprah Winfrey ... her life story, what she's been able to accomplish knowing how she was raised, and to get where she is as a black female."
What turns her off: "Dishonesty."
Last book read: Smart Women Finish Rich, by David Bach.
A good weekend consists of: "Put on sweats or shorts and watch USA Law & Order back-to-back all day."
Why hasn't she found The One? "I'm very independent. I have a lot of strong ideas and I'm very competitive, and I think for a not-so-strong man it might be intimidating."
Unknown talent: "I play the drums. I played all through high school."
Gordon Jones, 40s
Saxophonist
Residence: South Side.
Status: Single.
Alma mater: Hampton University.
He's turned off by: "Greed."
Characteristics for his ideal mate include: "Breathing ... sense of humor, a penchant for the bizarre and an affinity for the arts -- and she must like ice cream."
Most exotic place he's visited: Salvador da Bahia, Brazil, where he discovered Moquecca, a traditional dish that's cooked in a stone bowl and served boiling hot.
Biggest accomplishment: "Getting my little brother through college. He was in a gang, then he came to live with me. I used to work in a biomedical lab and worked 12-hour shifts, but I made sure he went to class. He's working on his master's now."
If he were a cartoon character, he would be: "Br'er Rabbit. Just the nature of living in a briar patch, you've got a lot to navigate through anyway."
Why hasn't he found The One? "Music is a jealous mistress. I always get dumped because I'm not around enough. It's benign neglect."
Jim Weigand, 51
History Teacher at Amelia County High School
Residence: Midlothian.
Status: Divorced.
Alma maters: Emory & Henry College (undergrad) and University of Richmond (master's degree).
Dream vacation: "Greece, because I think of it as being the birthplace of civilization."
What did he want to be when he grew up? "The governor of Virginia -- now I don't."
Three people he would invite to dinner: "Winston Churchill, Voltaire and Thomas Jefferson."
He's turned off by: "Someone who can't put down a cell phone. Smoking turns me off, and a lack of respect."
Does he believe in fate? "I don't know if I believe in fate or not. I toy with the idea. I've had experiences where you go, ‘Wow! That happened.' "
Best place to take a date in Richmond: "Dinner at Bottega Bistro before the Shakespeare Festival."
Hayden Fisher, 34
Schaffer & Cabell Partner; University of Richmond Adjunct Professor of Law
Residence: The Fan.
Status: Single.
Alma maters: Virginia Military Institute and Washington & Lee Law School.
Who is the most influential person of the last 200 years? Sociopolitically, Abraham Lincoln."
Dream vacation: "Climb Mount Everest -- if I had the time to train for it."
He's turned off by: "Arrogance and haughtiness."
The best place to take a date in Richmond: "Cabo's Corner Bistro."
Hobbies: Co-chair of OPUS, on the boards of Friends of Art and the Dooley Noted Society, running, and working out.
Why hasn't he found The One? "The hardest thing about a relationship is you can't plan them. You can't search for love; it has to find you. It just hasn't been my time."
Anglea Agee, 29
Director of Communications for Progressive Group Alliance
Residence: Bon Air.
Status: Single.
Alma mater: Virginia Commonwealth University.
Something nobody knows about me: "I have recently become a super-gigantic football fan. I have the NFL Channel. I watched the draft and I'm such a girly girl."
Best place to take a date in Richmond: "Live music is always a draw for me ... Alley Katz or Canal Club."
She's turned off by: "What's another word for slacker? Folks that aren't motivated or goal-oriented. Also, those who are terribly anti-social."
Hobbies: "I volunteer with Animal Adoption and Rescue Foundation and Cat's Cradle. I handle events for AARF and foster for Cat's Cradle. I like dancing, I'm a big movie buff, I collect handbags and I'm in a book club."
Three people she would invite to dinner: "Because I grew up in the '80s, despite some of her pitfalls, Madonna ... and Condoleeza Rice and Ghandi."
Last book read: Prep, by Curtis Sittenfeld, a coming-of-age novel set at a Massachusetts boarding school.
Paul Manning, 39
CEO, U-TURN Inc. Sports Performance Academy
Residence: South Side.
Status: Single.
Alma mater: Virginia Tech.
Favorite movie: The Passion of the Christ.
Characteristics of his ideal mate include: "A heart that has a pulse to live by faith and God, a make-it-happen zest for life, funny, and humorous."
Something nobody knows about me: "Before I got out of college, a friend and I were asked to go on tour with a national R&B act as backup dancers. I didn't go."
Why hasn't he found The One? "Prior to the past three years, I haven't been actively looking."
He's turned off by: "Arrogance, obviously evil."
If he were a cartoon character, he would be: "Wolverine."
Margaret Bowen, 50
Vice President of Human Resources, Packaging and Consumer Group for Alcoa
Residence: Glen Allen.
Status: Single.
Alma mater: College of William and Mary.
Last book read: The World Is Flat, by New York Times foreign-affairs columnist Thomas L. Friedman.
Best place to take a date in Richmond: "Europa for tapas. It's fun to try
different things."
Three people she would invite to dinner: "Jesus Christ, someone like an Albert Einstein who was just incredibly brilliant and loved to go after new things, and Thomas Jefferson."
Favorite movie: Must Love Dogs.
Why hasn't she found The One? "I'm a bit of a workaholic, and that seems to take a lot of time and attention."
Most exotic place she's visited: "I'm going to Beijing in September ... I guess Kauai in Hawaii."
Summer Shannon, 26
Director of Special Projects, Transmarx LLC
Residence: The West End.
Status: Single.
Alma mater: James Madison University.
What did she want to be when she grew up? "A doctor or an architect."
Does she believe in fate? "I believe that God has a plan for everyone's lives, and it's all planned according to his will."
She's turned off by: "Having a negative attitude and complaining a lot ... bad driving, too."
If she were a cartoon character, she would be: "Buttercup from The Powerpuff Girls because she's tough and cute ... and her dress is my favorite color."
Last book read: Night, Elie Wiesel's Holocaust memoir.
Best place to take a date in Richmond: "I really enjoy the outdoors, so probably a picnic at Maymont Park."
David Ross, 26
Firefighter with the City of Richmond
Residence: The West End.
Status: Single.
Alma mater: Virginia Military Institute.
He's turned off by: "Somebody who doesn't have any morals."
Greatest accomplishment: "Since I was 4 years old, I wanted to be a firefighter."
Why hasn't he found The One? "I'm afraid of rejection. I have a hard time walking up to a random girl."
Last book read: The Wealth of Nations, Adam Smith's classic treatise on capitalism.
Hobbies: "Water skiing, mountain biking, interest in the stock market, NASCAR -- I'm extreme on both ends."
Best place to take a date in Richmond: "A bike ride on Belle Isle."
Moses Foster, 37
Senior Director for Brand Marketing at Capital One; President of The Doin' It Network, a multichannel black professional network
Residence: Henrico.
Status: Single.
Alma mater: Virginia Tech.
Something nobody knows about me: "I've written a novel about a guy who finds out he has the gene for Huntington's disease. That hasn't been published yet."
Characteristics for his ideal mate: "She'd be smart, appreciate a good sense of humor and tolerate sports -- and occasionally participate in them. I'll settle for her throwing the football with me."
Unknown talent: "Playing the piano."
Three people he would invite to dinner: "Lisa Bonet, Alice Walker and Moses -- the real Moses."
Greatest accomplishment: "The network I'm creating. It's an amalgamation of a lot of different ideas I've had over the years. It's contributing to society."
Favorite movie: Heat.
Dr. Navreet Kallar, 35
Staff Physician at McGuire Veterans Affairs Medical Center
Residence: The West End.
Status: Single.
Alma maters: University of Virginia (undergrad); master's of public health and medical school at VCU School of Medicine.
Favorite movie: Syriana.
Biggest accomplishment: "I've gotten into running and I'm training for a half-marathon now. When I started in college, I could only run a quarter of a mile."
She's turned off by: "Somebody who's narrow-minded and is not able to laugh at themselves."
Hobbies: "Running, writing -- I love to cook, I'm obsessed with the Food Network -- to scuba dive and ski, and to volunteer with the Junior League."
What did she want to be when she grew up? "A school-bus driver."
Who is the most influential person of the last 200 years? "All the people -- including numerous nameless and faceless people in history -- who have worked for democracy to prevail."
Rita McClenny, 40s
Vice President, Virginia Film Office Film and Industry Relations
Residence: Byrd Park.
Status: Single.
Alma mater: Fisk University.
If she were a cartoon or comic book character, she would be: "Veronica in Archie. She was just always keeping everybody straight, she was always honest. I'm not the mean-spirit part of Lucy in Peanuts, but I'm the get-it-done part of Lucy. The good part, not the evil twin."
Unknown talent: "Poetry slamming to beats."
Why hasn't she found The One? "That's easy. Because I've been dating gentlemen long distance for a really long time, and it really didn't work."
Hobbies: Playing polo, sporting clays, golf and tennis.
Three people she would invite to dinner: "Bono, for sure, Bono. Desmond Tutu and my dad, because he's not here anymore."
Favorite movie: Tombstone.
Bill Fisher, 49
Artist
Residence: Shockoe Bottom.
Status: Divorced.
Alma maters: Virginia Commonwealth University (undergrad); master's of fine arts from Radford University.
What did he want to be when he grew up? "A painter. That's all I've ever wanted to be. I'm like a one-trick pony. That's all I can do."
Characteristics of his ideal mate include: "Independent, passionate about what they do, sense of humor and in shape."
What turns him off: "Republicans."
Hobbies: "Going to the movies, good films, eating out, going to see art shows and going to New York."
Greatest accomplishment: "Raising my son."
Three people he would invite to dinner: Tom Waits, Thelonious Monk and Picasso.
David Napier, 45
Owner, Old City Bar and White House Catering
Residence: Shockoe Bottom.
Status: Single.
Alma mater: Two years at Virginia Commonwealth University.
Why hasn't he found The One? "I work a lot of nights and a lot of weekends. I've had some challenges in my career, but I do what I do because I like it. It takes a special type of person to understand that."
Hobbies: "I go out on the water. I have a boat. I like to ski, play the electric bass with a band called Patchwork and go to other people's restaurants."
Unknown talent: "Magic tricks."
He's turned off by: "When people try to tell me what I want to hear."
Last book read: "The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin. It's actually funny. It's a great insight into how politics haven't changed in the past 300 years."
Characteristics of his ideal mate include: "Patient, because I still have a lot of questions about life. Somebody who's willing to grow and learn with me, try new things and enjoy long periods of silence."
Linda Burd, 50
Maintenance/Access Intervention Manager for AT&T
Residence: Midlothian.
Status: Divorced.
Alma mater: Working toward a B.S. in business at Virginia Commonwealth University.
Something nobody knows about me: "I think most people think I love being around people all the time, but I do enjoy my alone time."
The last book she read was: Glorious Appearing, part of the "Left Behind" series.
Best place to take a date in Richmond: "Sunday Park. It's a nice outdoor bar and restaurant. It's beautiful on the water, surrounded by all the woods."
Her biggest accomplishment: "Making it to 50."
She's turned off by: "Somebody that knows everything and has no tolerance for people -- and I can't stand people who are late. It's inconsiderate."
A good weekend consists of: "Go sailing, hang out with friends, drink some wine and eat some cheese."
Quarter-Life
Crisis Dating
By Chris Meekison
Dating in your 20s is hard enough, but it can be simplified -- or made difficult -- by this millennium's most popular dating service, the Internet. I met a girl online who would become a serious girlfriend. We'll call her Rose. There was a catch, though: She was part of a cult. Rose asked me if I would spend the night and go to church the next day. As it turned out, "church" was about 60 folding chairs and a couch in her parents' garage. I phoned my best friend and asked her to contact the police if I failed to call her back by Monday at midnight.
In fairness, it was the nicest garage I have ever seen.
At one point Rose presented me with a gift. The summa cum laude photographer teasingly told me it was a self-portrait. Expecting a provocative framed picture, I found something quite different. Underneath Christmas-themed wrapping paper -- in June -- I saw my girlfriend in an entirely new light. Before me was a large framed portrait of an angelic she-devil. A skull was superimposed over the recognizable face, and maroon swirls circled the picture next to her new skeleton wings. Also, she had no nose.
A few weeks later, after fights about religious and genetic affiliations -- I'm part Jewish -- the cult's pastor put his hand on my upper thigh, quite randomly, and asked God to pray for me. The relationship dissolved soon after.
Things ended similarly with my next Internet girlfriend. I received a disheartening e-mail, in which she calmly explained that she wanted to figure out a way to get past her lackluster attraction for me.
On the day of said e-mail, I received a call from Rose asking me to come visit her at her home south of Harrisonburg. She apparently has thought about me every day since we broke up. I will take intimacy over complacency any day of the week. So I'm heading out this weekend with the promise that the cult is shutting down.
Call the police if you don't hear from me by midnight on Monday.
Looking for Lightning
By Pat Kite
After a nasty divorce, I wasn't exactly champing at the bit to jump back into dating. Besides, with three young children, I was constantly carting someone off to soccer, choir, scouts or band. And it's not like my life presents copious opportunities to meet men: I teach elementary school with all women and go to church with mostly elderly couples and gay men. Even as I write this from Las Vegas, I'm taking a class with 5,000 female teachers.
So here I am at 54 with a better chance of being struck by lightning than finding a decent relationship. Oh, I've tried some unconventional avenues for finding a suitable member of the opposite sex, the funniest of which was speed dating. The premise sounds great -- a few minutes of face-to-face time with single men in my age group -- but only three men showed up to talk to 11 women. And the guys weren't what I was expecting. Us girls got together at the end and had a blast, though.
When I finally made it to the dating stage with one man, it didn't work out. We'd been seeing each other for six months when he e-mailed me one day and said, "We have to talk!" I'm still waiting for "the talk" three years later.
Definitely the best date I ever had was one I paid for. I was the highest bidder at a charity bachelor auction. My bachelor treated me to a wonderful dinner and an Eagles concert in return for my rather large check.
Please don't feel sorry for me, though, because I do list my marital status as "happily single." After going directly from my father's house to my husband's, it's wonderful to experience the freedom of being on my own. However, it would be nice to have an interesting date now and then. Maybe I'll have to take out a personal ad: "54-year-old mother of three wonderful grown children, in debt, slightly overweight and doesn't remember her natural hair color, seeks younger man who looks great in a tuxedo or hard hat. Must be able to treat her like a queen. (Ability to play the saxophone is a plus.)" Any takers?
Sort of Single
By Sande Snead
I fancy myself a bit of a Carrie Bradshaw figure as I write this essay about life as a single on my laptop -- except that I don't live in the greatest city in the world, I don't have a cool apartment, nor do I own a single pair of Jimmy Choos. Okay, my life is nothing like the characters on Sex and the City. I live in a house in the suburbs, I never have time for brunch with friends, and I have had one boyfriend for the past three years -- oh, and I have teenage daughters.
My girls aren't dating yet, but if they were, I'm sure I'd be telling them to get off the phone -- it's the one role reversal we are experiencing. They just can't figure out what my boyfriend and I have to talk about all the time. He has pushed me to try new things and to revisit activities I once enjoyed. I've gone scuba diving, snowmobiling and motorcycling. I've taken up skiing and water skiing. I've also had more opportunities to travel.
The great thing about dating someone who's an equally involved parent is that they understand that the kids come first. Because my ex-husband and I have joint custody, I have one week with the girls and one week without, making it a bit easier to compartmentalize my life. If something comes up that we want to do as a couple, one simple statement -- "I've got the kids that night" -- squelches those potential plans, and nothing else needs to be said.
Deciding when to introduce your significant other to your children is one of the biggest questions in the life of a divorcée. We waited nearly a year to do all the introductions -- way longer than most people thought we should. We listened to our instincts and instead of foisting ourselves onto the children, we waited for our kids to tell us they were ready.
Now that everyone knows each other and gets along well, we combine the families every now and then -- dinner out, dinner in, a game of football, board games, a movie, boating, weekend getaways, but we limit these outings and try to take our cues from the children. None of us is ready to be the Brady Bunch.
5 Spots to Mingle With Other Singles
1) Short Pump Ukrop's from 7 to 9 p.m. on Wednesday nights. Dress up and clean up on aisle five.
2) Try a wine tasting. Fridays on the Patio at James River Cellars is usually a good bet.
3) Dogwood Dell's dog park, Barker Field. Let your dogs make the introductions.
4) Although this isn't Manhattan, and Diddy hasn't outlined Robinson Street in velvet rope, it's just as hard to get into Metro Grill on a Saturday night. Grown-up frat boys? Girls with skirts as short as the grown-up frat boys' attention spans? This is your place. It's like a beer commercial exploded.
5) The perennial battle of the Main Street meat markets -- in this corner, 3 Monkeys, and across the ring, Star-Lite. Let's get ready to rhumba.
4Signs It's Over
1) Two words: granny panties.
2) A restaurant calls to confirm your boyfriend's reservation for two for next week -- when you'll be out of town on business.
3) She's got a new roommate for her one-bedroom apartment: Ted.
4) You didn't even get an invite to her wedding.
5 Common-Sense Tips for Online Dating
1) Never reveal intimate personal information in your online profile. Create a user name in lieu of the name you normally go by. Also, refrain from discussing your address, place of employment, phone number or personal e-mail address.
2) Forge a friendship over the phone before diving into dates in the real world. Use that time to get to know the person better, to distinguish if going any further is worthwhile.
3) When meeting an online buddy for the first time, make sure it's in a well-lit public place. Notify friends or family where you'll be and when you expect to be home.
4) Post profile photos that are current and truthful. You can't blame someone for being upset with false advertising if you use your high-school senior pic.
5) Online dating is like every other type of dating. It has risks, it's full of promise, but it's a gamble. Don't put all your faith in one person or one site. Keep your options open and realize that Mr. or Ms. Right might be in cyberspace -- or right around the corner.
