Sarah Choi and Rebecca Thomas want you to have a conversation.
The subject may make you a bit uncomfortable, but the Richmond residents and fast friends say it’s better to tackle it now rather than later.
Choi and Thomas want you and a friend to discuss expectations should either of you become seriously ill. To get you started, they have a website, ifigetsick.com, part of a fledgling awareness campaign that they launched in September.
The response has been positive, says Thomas, especially from people who have experienced the loneliness and isolation that comes from being in treatment for an illness or condition. She says the website has “given people permission to talk about these things.”
Thomas was 43 when she was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2014. The diagnosis was a shock: She had always been very healthy and a runner, unaccustomed to being ill and never really thinking about it. But, she says, she had a lot going for her: good insurance, great support from her family and money in the bank.
Breast cancer takes a lot out of you. Thomas went through a year of treatments that included surgery, chemotherapy and a regimen of radiation. “They almost knock you down,” she says.
It was worth it, though; treatments have left her with a 90 percent-plus chance of being cancer-free over the next five years.
And yet she dealt with the loneliness and isolation that comes with battling a life-threatening condition. The loneliness for Thomas was the worst part of the experience, days and days being by yourself.
And that’s where If I Get Sick comes in.
The idea evolved out of their friendship, out of the conversations Choi and Thomas had in getting to know one another after they met in 2015. Thomas, who describes herself as an over-sharer, was still mentally processing her breast cancer experience when they met, and Choi helped her as she asked questions, listened and was attentive to what Thomas had to say.
“She’s nonjudgmental,” Thomas says.
Thomas describes If I Get Sick as “our small project,” but she wants each of us to consider some big issues: “How can we all be of service to one another?” “How can we make this a conversation we’re all willing to have?”
The website is a first step. Thomas says she would like to open the dialogue in other ways, such as open forums or through partnering with other groups. The website offers a video of the two discussing how to have the discussion. There’s also a tab that leads you to ice breakers in beginning the conversation.
One no-no: Don’t just say, “Call me at any time” and leave it at that.
Instead, be specific: Ask whether it’s a good day to come over for a visit, or encourage your friend to go for a walk.
And don’t wait until you or a friend or loved one is in crisis to talk. Thomas notes that it’s hard to ask for help when you are well, but it’s much more difficult to do so when you’re sick and burdened. “You just can’t do it,” she says.
Looking for additional resources? Here’s a sampling:
- WebMD offers helpful information on what to tell family and friends when you’re dealing with a life-threatening illness.
- Parenting.com provides 10 tips on coping with a child's chronic condition.
- And Prevention has a roundup of tips on how to cope when a loved one has received a terminal diagnosis.
CAPSULES
A weekly roundup of health and medicine news
- A Virginia Commonwealth University alumnus’ advocacy of teen and childhood mental health has earned him the school’s Edward H. Peeples Jr. Award for Social Justice. The honor goes to David A. Gallagher, who, with his wife, Grace, founded the Cameron K. Gallagher Memorial Foundation, which seeks to help teens battling depression. The foundation is named for their late daughter, who had dealt with depression and anxiety and had decided to run races as a way to deal with the illness and as a way to combat the stigma of mental illness in teens. Cameron was 16 when she died from a heart condition following her first half-marathon in 2014. In addition to their work with the foundation, the Gallaghers have also given $50,000 toward the Virginia Treatment Center for Children (VTCC) Children’s Mental Health Resource Center that is set to open in 2017, according to a release.
- Hiring and retaining workers with disabilities is the focus of a $4.375 million grant that will in part fund research at Virginia Commonwealth University in partnership with Bon Secours Virginia Health System, according a release issued today by VCU. VCU also will work with University of Wisconsin-Madison on the project. Paul Wehman, a professor in the VCU School of Medicine’s Department of Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation and also in the School of Education’s Department of Counseling and Special Education, will serve as principal investigator.
- A ribbon cutting will be held at 4 p.m. on Nov. 9 to mark the opening of a new outpatient facility at VCU Health’s Stony Point Campus. The facility is at 9109 Stony Point Drive. The 60,000-square-foot facility offers services including reproductive health; ear, nose and throat services; audiology; and dermatology, according to a release.
