Illustration by Carson McNamara
The decisions we make for our children start well before birth: What shall we name them? Which crib should we purchase (not that they will sleep in it for the first six months of their lives)? In-home child care or a day-care center? I remember thinking that every decision was worthy of its own spreadsheet, that it mattered whether my child’s bassinet sheets were cotton or bamboo, as if that would make or break them.
I’ve relaxed in my decision-making since then. At least, a bit: I still love a spreadsheet to weigh the pros and cons of birthday party venues and pediatric dentists. I’ve also learned that as my children grow, decisions become more complicated and nuanced, with greater consequences and rewards, and that other people have strong opinions about parents’ choices, especially if these choices differ from the ones they would make.
This pushback from others is one reason I hesitated to tell people that I, a former public school teacher, am sending my kindergartner to private school this year. The admission of my privilege is another; private school is costly, and I recognize that.
Before the COVID-19 pandemic, my husband and I were set to send our daughter to a public school. I followed our zoned elementary school on Facebook and kept up with school events, knowing the importance of parental involvement in school and student success. I networked with some staff members and talked to neighborhood parents about the school.
However, as with many areas of my life, COVID-19 changed some things for me. I was a public high school teacher during 2020 and 2021, a job I had been doing for almost a decade. I experienced immense grace and support during the 2020-21 school year. During the early pandemic days, people respected teachers; it felt like everyone sang our praises for the first time in my career. I was hopeful: Could this pandemic be the catalyst for lasting change in the public education system? During the height of the pandemic, people seemed to understand the challenges of being a teacher, the downsides of high-stakes standardized tests, the importance of giving teachers autonomy in the classroom and the many gaps that public schools fill in our community. I was excited for the 2021-22 school year, hopeful that this energy would carry over into a more normal year.
It was not to be. That’s the year that pushed me out of public education and also to deciding that a private school was the best fit for my creative, spirited, sensitive, opinionated rising kindergartner.
When I first started teaching in 2011, I could collaborate with colleagues to create engaging assignments as long as I taught the skills that were assessed on the End of Course SOL test. By the time I quit, I didn’t have the time to teach what I loved anymore and to meet my students where they were. The creativity and joy were sucked out of teaching. I’m now a practice manager for a law firm.
You know who prompted me to question my decision to send my daughter to public school? My honors students. The intelligent, motivated ones who did all their work, participated in class discussions, learned Russian for fun and wrote witty poems.
But they were burnt out. The students were suffering because teachers were flying through the curriculum because we had pacing guides we had to follow, without much regard for students’ individual needs. Students were bored to tears with the uninspiring assignments I was told I had to give, assignments that were created by folks who had been out of the classroom for a decade. Students were taking assessments for the sake of data collection, and teachers weren’t properly trained on how to use the resulting data. All these factors contributed to even my best students saying that they were just over school.
“I just want to get a good grade. I don’t even care about learning,” one of my students lamented. Heads nodded emphatically around the room.
I went home that night and told my husband two things: First, I was going to do my best that year to be engaging and focus on student learning over grades (the jury is still out on whether I was successful, but I hope my students know I tried). And next, that I didn’t want our kids to end up like that: burned out on school and not caring about learning by age 15 because that is what the system created them to be.
I knew what I did want, as an educator and lifelong learner: a place where my kids would be encouraged to think creatively and critically. An environment where teachers are spoiled beyond belief — not just during teacher appreciation week or during a pandemic.
I found that place at a local private school. A warm, friendly, down-to-earth community. Teachers who excitedly shared their lessons and field trip ideas with me while I was touring the school. A focus on being good citizens, doing community service and making the world a better place. I found a place that seems to be serving its students, staff and families well.
And I hope that soon, if enough of us continue to write to our politicians and speak up at school board meetings, our entire public education system will also be such a place for students and their teachers. Because they deserve no less than our full support and all the resources necessary for success.
Christine Suders is the mom of two young children.
