Illustration by Carson McNamara
Every January since I was young, I’ve made New Year’s resolutions, and most every year I’ve come up short on following through. I’ve yet to write that book, hit 500 rides on my Peloton or learn to speak Spanish fluently. Instead of feeling proud of what I actually have accomplished, I’m often disappointed in myself for what I haven’t done. So for 2025, instead of adding more to my to-do list, I’m giving myself permission to do less.
I’m among a generation of overachieving parents, and there’s no rest for the weary. Xennials — the portmanteau encompassing Gen Xers and millennials — have adopted an intensive style of child-rearing. We’re coaching Little League, leading PTA committees, teaching Sunday school and carpooling across town to multiple activities, all while managing jobs, households and aging parents. We’re spending more time, energy and money on our kids than any generation before us, and we’re running on empty.
“Parents are definitely feeling more stress,” says Lexie Gerczak, a mother of two boys and a licensed clinical social worker at Bon Air Counseling. “There are so many more opportunities for our kids, and we want to give them everything that we possibly can. The competition starts younger and younger with sports, academics, dance and everything else.”
The Office of the U.S. Surgeon General, the same department that has warned us about the dangers of cigarettes and alcohol, has issued an advisory on the well-being and mental health of parents. U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy’s research shows that parents’ levels of stress have increased over the last decade, to the detriment of their health. Half of all parents with children 18 and under reported that most days, their stress is completely overwhelming.
With jam-packed schedules fueled by a culture of always doing more, something’s got to give. We can’t let that rob our mental health. If there has ever been a time to do less, it’s now.
Gerczak recommends that, instead of setting a New Year’s resolution for the year ahead, which is often a solitary act, lay out your priorities as a family and remember what’s important in the big picture.
“You want to set yourself and your family up for success and see what’s actually doable in your life,” she says. “It’s easy to get wrapped up in trying to take every opportunity there is, but it’s important to have a balance.”
Saying “no” can be really hard, especially for a people-pleaser like me, but Gerczak says it’s critical in avoiding burnout and resentment.
“Set boundaries for your kids as well as yourself,” she says. “You don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or feel like you’re letting someone down, but remember when people tell you no, you’re able to move on by problem solving and finding other resources, and they will, too.”
Jan. 1 is just another day on the calendar, but for me it’s also the symbol of a fresh start, the chance to be a bit better. Better doesn’t mean taking on more, though. Before I add something to my agenda, I should ask myself questions like, “Is this worth my time?” And while I have my planner open, I’m going to pencil in time for myself — or maybe I’ll use a permanent marker.
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