Shelley Evans of Shelley’s Gift Shop
Shelley Evans grew up “always feeling different” from other kids, but she wasn’t sure why. Despite achieving milestones like graduating from college and starting a career, the feeling of being somewhat atypical lingered.
“It’s hard to explain,” she says. “There were times when what I was feeling ... was different from my peers. Certain things would bother me that wouldn’t bother others as much — like if music was too loud or people were yelling.”
She started to suspect the reason, and while doing research to find an answer, the pieces of the puzzle began to fit together. Right after her recent birthday, Evans, who just turned 29, saw a specialist who officially diagnosed her with autism.
“It’s a big relief,” Evans says. “I’m thankful to have found my community. I hope that by sharing my story, others can find knowledge, resources, hope and power.”
Data show that boys are four times more likely to be diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) than girls, and females are often diagnosed long after childhood.
“Women are often late to be diagnosed because of their unique ability to mask symptoms, expend all energy trying to fit in [and] slip under the radar or [they end up being] misdiagnosed,” says Ann Flippin, executive director of Autism Society Central Virginia.
ASD is a neurodevelopmental condition that can affect an individual’s ability to communicate and interact with others, but Flippen says, “Remember that being a neurodiverse woman is beautiful, and your gifts and talents should be celebrated.”
In Evans case, being on the autism spectrum may have helped lead her to decide to leave the corporate world to start an online business. She opened Shelley’s Gift Shop last year, selling items from small businesses across the country, including local artists and makers.
She says some ASD traits made it hard for her to work within the rigid structure of the corporate world. Running her own business provides her the flexibility she needs due to the way she thinks, creates and operates, and she’s flourishing as a result.
Evans first thought of the idea for Shelley’s Gift Shop after she was in the hospital in 2018 for two weeks with brain swelling caused by an autoimmune response to a virus. Many friends sent her gifts while she was recovering.
Last year, “When the pandemic started, the feeling of isolation from our friends and family was familiar to me from my time recovering from my [illness],” Evans recalls. “I saw an opportunity to help people send gifts to each other, so I created Shelley’s Gift Shop [for people to stay connected].”
Evans wanted to offer a more personalized touch than big online retailers. With each order, she includes a personalized note that thanks the recipient for supporting her business. In addition, she includes colorful tissue paper to delight the person opening the box. The items she sells, from gourmet foods and apparel to candles and jewelry, are products she says she’d personally like to receive.
“My store highlights very diverse businesses of all races, genders and neurotypes,” Evans says. “I think our clients appreciate our dedication to furthering the conversation of inclusion and diversity.” She hopes one day to expand Shelley’s Gift Shop to a brick-and-mortar business.
Shelley and Ben Evans
“Shelley’s incredible intelligence and unique sense of humor have always stood out to me,” Shelley’s husband, Ben Evans, says via email. “She has brilliant ideas and understands people’s emotions very well. Shelley always seems to have a great read on any situation and gives great advice.”
Ben met Shelley in a chance encounter in 2014 at a Fan restaurant. “I remember asking her about her food order,” Ben recalls. “Shelley answered my questions shortly and directly. I did not think our conversation was going well until she finally asked, ‘So, are you going to ask me for my number?’ I obliged. We’ve been together for almost seven years now.”
The couple married in 2016. When Shelley was diagnosed with autism, Ben says, “It was like a cartoon light bulb illuminated above my head. Suddenly we had a missing piece of information that explained some of our communication differences and misunderstandings. Just like a marriage between two neurotypical people, ours requires patience, understanding and communication. My advice to others in similar relationships is pretty much the same as I’d give to any neurotypical couple — keep an open mind and realize the other person may not interpret things the same way you do. If you are able to maintain a mutual understanding of this and open pathways for communication, you will be able to overcome any obstacles you may encounter as a couple. Love conquers all.”
April is Autism Acceptance Month, and Shelley says that when she told family and friends about her diagnosis, “the reactions were mixed,” with some saying hurtful things. “There are still some family members that I do not have a relationship with. Most of my friends and family were supportive and said what you’d want to hear: ‘You are still you, and I love you no matter what.’ Everyone — myself included — approached it as an opportunity to learn more about autism and correct some of the outdated biases and stereotypes that are associated with the word.”
In life, in her business and in the autism journey, Shelley says, “I am sure there will always be waters to navigate, and I will figure it out as I go, as I have. Most of us do not fit in the stereotypes that society has provided. The peace that having this diagnosis has given me is enormous, granting me new self-awareness to understand myself better — thus helping me to show up in my relationships with others as a better version of myself.”
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