Hayley DeRoche has racked up more than a half-million followers on Instagram and TikTok by turning the image of picture-perfect parenting on its head.
Photo courtesy Hayley DeRoche
The Richmond librarian and mother of two is brightening the fashion world’s drab, brown neutrals with her smart satire, colorful personality and Werner Herzog impression. What started out as a comedy bit on TikTok went viral in late 2021 and hit Instagram a year later. The Petersburg resident’s humorous and practical approach to parenting has been recognized in The Wall Street Journal and on BBC Woman’s Hour and the “Today” show.
Richmond magazine: Tell me about the “sad beige” movement.
Hayley DeRoche: The Row [by the Olsen twins] and the Kardashians are huge influences on beige becoming such a trend. Not only are products for kids really beige, but the marketing is presented to parents as this very serious and somber thing and that your child will be calm. The messages they’re telegraphing are so different than what childhood is. The juxtaposition is very funny to me.
RM: What’s the reaction been to your “Sad Beige Mom” persona?
DeRoche: It’s been so fun to expand that joke from a niche audience into something universally loved. But I’ve also been told I should only take my jokes on motherhood so far. Not everyone understands hyperbole. I have fun poking at the ridiculous.
RM: Why is color important to you?
DeRoche: We live in a beautiful, colorful world, and it’s a shame to not fully enjoy that. You can raise really good kids who enjoy their environments without curating it to an almost bizarre extent.
RM: Do you think moms are under pressure to be perfect?
DeRoche: The sheer lack of parental support in the U.S. makes it impossible to have the kind of family structure that people look back on fondly, back when you could have a family on a single income. That lifestyle without support is a fantasy. My husband and I are full-time librarians with Richmond Public Library. It’s so hard to do that and have two children with various pickups and drop-offs and school assignments and just making dinner. Parents are stretched. The idea of being perfect is laughable in the face of all that.
RM: I love the bit in your videos when you’re pretending to give away scoops of junk from your car.
DeRoche: So many people have thanked me and have called me brave for showing my messy car — this isn’t something to be ashamed about. This is us getting by. Everybody is surviving. Everyone has the hills they’re going to die on, and my car is not one of them.
RM: How have you used your platform to benefit local charities?
DeRoche: I’ve done a toy drive for the FRIENDS Association for Children in Jackson Ward, who are absolutely wonderful. I’m not sure what I’m doing this year, but it will be something, and I’m excited.
RM: As a librarian, can you speak on why books are so important?
DeRoche: Access to books and having the ability to read widely is so important. Books introduce you to the entire world. Check out the books that matter to you — that tells your library that people want these materials. I want my kids to experience a vast range of voices, and not all of them will I agree with, but I want them to experience other people’s experiences, too.
RM: What advice do you have for new moms?
DeRoche: Parenting is really hard and really lovely. It’s life-changing. Your heart is on the outside of your body, and you will never be able to put it back in. Things are going to happen that you have no idea what to do, and that’s okay because how could you? Don’t be afraid to seek help, mentally and physically.
RM: Why is humor important?
DeRoche: We need to laugh because we are all human. The human experience is filled with trauma and grief, and we’ve gotta be able to laugh.
