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Anatash Werne (Photo by Shawnee Custalow)
Anatash Werne is a baker and a business owner, a celebrant of living life on your own terms, in your own words.
Werne’s tea shop and bakery in Carytown, The Tottering Teacup, is a communal gathering spot, a place for birthday parties, and for tea and tarot, too.
The Tottering Teacup, which marks its second anniversary in April, is a quiet place to savor an Earl Grey Bravo in a retro teacup and a queer-cartoon-themed macaron. Its antique dishware is washed by hand, partly because of its delicacy, but also for the practical reason of the cost that would incur to install a commercial dishwashing machine, Werne says.
Staffers take whimsical job titles. Werne’s is “Boss Mable,” from the now-concluded Disney XD animated series “Gravity Falls.”
“When people find words to describe their experiences, it can be pretty life-changing.”
The atmosphere is welcoming, but there are also some teachable moments, too. A parent, for example, may say that they have a daughter who would love to come in for tea, but not their son; and Werne may point out subtly that her shop is “for everybody, and that everyone can drink tea.”
The shop also is a safe place, one that feels homey and comfortable to closeted teens, and the regular home of events such as QueerSay open mic night. There have always been queer spaces throughout the ages, but not necessarily names for them.
“We just haven’t had the language of our times,” says Werne, to make inclusivity more broad.
Werne uses “they/them” pronouns, and as they know, words matter.
“ ‘They’ just fit me better than anything else that I heard for me,” Werne says. Werne feels loved by family members, and that “everybody pretty much knows about the queer stuff,” but that understanding of who they are varies, generally breaking along generational lines.
Self-defining language is all about having control of one’s life, of defining oneself and how they want to be seen and be experienced. And that’s powerful. “When people find words to describe their experiences, it can be pretty life-changing,” Werne says.
But that self-defining language also helps others expand horizons and experience life differently, to consider options in how they perceive those around them. “It’s important for other people to recognize, that it’s different experiences.”
A Virginia Beach native, Werne studied chemistry and then English at James Madison University. Drawing from coursework, Werne uses the analogy of a cat and a box in describing societal acceptance of pronouns. You put a cat into a box, and it will jump out; but if you place the box in an open space, the cat will jump in and explore on its own.
When Werne moved to Richmond in 2016, they felt at home in Carytown — able to wave, wear and display the cafe’s queer paraphernalia.
The intent behind The Tottering Teacup was to welcome everyone, not to be seen simply as the “queer cafe,” says Werne, but it is what it is, a reflection of Werne’s love of colors, as in the rainbow flag of diversity, and Werne’s queer identity, too. Amid all the pride banners and flags are helpful words of explanation if you don’t recognize a particular flag’s heraldic fields.
Given Werne’s academic background, baking may seem an odd occupation, but as Werne notes, it is, after all, an exercise in chemistry at some level. But what really inspired Werne to open Tottering Teacup was a kid-lit book, “Kiki’s Delivery Service,” Eiko Kadono’s tale of a young witch who works in a bakery. “This is what I’ve always wanted to do,” Werne says.
More Than Words
Pronoun preferences are a matter of good health
At the transgender health services program offered through the Virginia League for Planned Parenthood, people are asked for their pronoun preferences up front, when they are setting up appointments, says Melissa-Irene Jackson, program manager. The preferences are noted on charts. It’s a simple step, but one that’s empowering and a confidence-builder. Often, people may be seen in a medical office where their pronoun preference may be ignored or never considered.
A simple pronoun is an important part of identity, and a matter of health, too, Jackson says. She notes that teens who come out to their families flourish and have better mental health outcomes if families are accepting and use their pronouns of choice.
When someone you love tells you about their gender identity, they’ve been thinking about it for some time. They realize that once those words are said, they can’t be taken back. The most important thing you can do is to believe them, and do what you can to support them, Jackson says. “It’s one of the simplest things that we can do to support the community.”
Jackson notes that Richmond is generally considered a safe place, but that reputation comes with some caveats as well. She says that transgender people often are subjected to verbal abuse and assault, and noted the shooting death of Noony Norwood in 2016. “It’s true that Richmond is a safe place, but it doesn’t mean that they can let their guard [down],” she says.
