Pro-wedding, ‘Anti-bride’

Couples are doing away with traditions and saying ‘I do’ to more unconventional weddings

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When you think about the last wedding you attended, it probably had the same mainstays: a bride in a white dress, a first dance between the newlyweds and a bouquet toss to the tune of “Single Ladies” by Beyoncé. And, understandably so. Wedding traditions have been passed down for generations, becoming common practice over time and, in a digital age, perpetuated by the rise of social media.

However, in recent years, there’s been a shift away from some of these longstanding traditions. Microweddings gained popularity in 2020 due to gathering limitations during the COVID-19 pandemic, and now, nontraditional weddings are on the rise. This alternative wedding trend has been dubbed “anti-bride,” and according to a 2023 wedding trends report from Pinterest x Zola, searches for this keyword increased 490% last year. Additionally, internet searches for unconventional ceremony vows rose 205% and interest in nontraditional wedding dresses went up 110%.

While the term “anti-bride” can sound negative at face value, the point is to create a nontraditional style event that focuses on the love and celebration of the engaged couple sans the usual wedding checklist. The rulebook can be tossed away, allowing for as big or small an affair as desired. If a 12-piece band is a priority, go for it. Prefer a food truck-style reception over a sit-down dining experience? Book it. The planning decisions are much more flexible when following the “anti-bride” trend.

It can also be misconstrued that “anti-bride” shames the bride role itself, which certainly is not the case. Brides are encouraged to embrace the title and all the joy and pomp that comes with the life event. Be the bride you want to be — creativity and personality are key, rather than making sure you’re following all the customary expectations of the role.

Anne-Michelle Forbes, an event designer and planner at The Hive Wedding Collective, specializes in weddings that break with convention and has seen an uptick in couples looking for something out of the ordinary when planning their special day. “A lot of the couples who are drawn to using [The Hive] as a planning company are drawn to something more unconventional, so we love that,” she says.

Heather Clarke, who is also an event coordinator and designer with The Hive, echoes this sentiment. “The way that we talk with people about their weddings has aligned with this trend for a long time, but it’s gaining speed in a broader market,” Clarke says. “I am seeing people become more comfortable with nontraditional themes for their wedding or not having a theme at all and just running with their personal style.”

Being an “anti-bride” extends beyond the theme of the wedding, though. It’s more of a change in mindset. Instead of ensuring that they have their “something borrowed” and “something blue” or working from traditions, these couples are planning their big day with the intention of doing whatever feels right to them.

The Trend by the Numbers

  • Web searches for “anti-bride” increased by 490% in 2023.
  • Nontraditional nuptials often allow for more one-on-one time with guests.
  • The “anti-bride” movement touts zero planning rules.
  • Cost varies based on many factors, but the average budget for a microwedding in Virginia ranges from $10,000 to $15,000.

‘Something New’

So, what does an “anti-bride” wedding look like in practice? Think of a pizza truck in place of a sit-down dinner, party games and lawn activities instead of dancing at the reception or an artist offering tattoos to guests in lieu of wedding favors. In short, modern couples are looking to do things their own way. The case on both a national and local level, area planners and venues are offering ways to incorporate personal touches into these life events.

The "anti-bride" is showcased in a recent wedding Forbes planned. “One of my favorite weddings that I’ve done was quintessential Richmond,” she says. “[The couple] had a backyard ceremony, then they moved folks over to Tabol Brewing for the cocktail hour and reception. We did a mobile bar, and a vegan food truck pulled up. I was super excited when they inquired and wanted to do something a little off the beaten path. It was really fun to pull that one together.”

Forbes has also seen popularity rise in unconventional after-parties. Gone are the days of finding the closest bar to the reception hall and having a cocktail or two before turning in for the night. With the “anti-bride” trend, after-parties tend to carry much more meaning and are increasingly tailored to couple’s interests. Planners at The Hive specifically cite night-ending karaoke parties as a hot trend. “I’ve done a handful of karaoke after-parties where couples will turn the reception venue into a karaoke setup," Forbes says. “A couple got married at Common House and rented out Gallery5 for their karaoke after-party.”

Clarke’s recent planning gig also included post-reception karaoke. Richmond residents Shelby Williamson and Martin Madriaga’s post-wedding party took place at Helen’s, the couple’s favorite bar in the city, and they rented a music setup for their guests to enjoy. They served McDonald’s as a late-night snack and sipped espresso martinis while listening to friends and family sing. “It was loud, wild, hilarious, electric,” Williamson says.

Tia Ballard-Bryant, owner of elopement and microwedding company Hello Love, has also seen her fair share of unique after-parties. She recalls one wedding where the couple opted for square dancing prior to their ceremony, and another fun option where clients capped off their big day with bowling.

Last year, internet searches for unconventional ceremony vows rose 205% and interest in nontraditional wedding dresses was up 110%.

Another aspect of the “anti-bride” movement is couples opting to get creative with their attire. Forbes says, “I’ve seen a lot of cool, unique apparel or not going with the conventional color palette — no black tux anymore. [Couples are] going for cool colors and unique patterns.” Several wedding clothiers in Richmond have taken note of this shift, offering updated style selections. Consignment and sample bridal boutique Blue Sage Bridal in the Monroe Ward neighborhood has a rotating selection of colorful gowns ranging from black to blue to floral prints. Church Hill’s Urban Set Bride has a range of black dresses to choose from, and Lex’s of Carytown offers a spectrum of designs including dark fabrics, jewel tones and light flowery patterns. Many other area boutiques carry a kaleidoscope of offerings available in-store or on special order. For those who’d prefer a suit, Williamsburg-based Andre’ Julius opened a second location in Richmond in late 2023 and specializes in custom tailored and bespoke suits and tuxedos for men and women and can match any color scheme.

Creativity in terms of the wedding weekend schedule is also common with the new movement. “A lot of folks are going for fun welcome parties instead of rehearsal dinners. They invite their whole guest count to get together the evening before. It lightens the load socially for the couple,” Forbes says.

Lexie and Sam Gunther, who married at Common House on Broad Street in May 2023, split their celebration in half. “In one day, you get maybe 10 minutes with one person at your wedding, so we decided to do a private evening ceremony with immediate family and the bridal party on a Thursday night. After the wedding ceremony, we did a sit-down dinner. It was almost like getting married at your rehearsal dinner. The larger reception was held the next day,” Lexie says.

Whether couples are participating in karaoke, square dancing, wearing colorful garments or getting creative with the structure of their big day, the primary focus of the “anti-bride” trend is to celebrate personality and uniqueness.

The Reason for the (Wedding) Season

Beyond a one-of-a-kind look or out-of-the-box activities for nuptial celebrations, most “anti-bride” couples also focus on the meaning behind their big day without getting distracted by the stress of planning. “I’m seeing people take more autonomy with their events and what makes it special to them and their family as a couple,” Clarke says, adding that there’s a mindset move away from what partners think they’re supposed to traditionally do at a wedding and toward what is important to them, and what they want to put their time and financial resources toward.

Many couples are breaking with conformity, opting for more time spent with loved ones throughout the day rather than sticking to a traditional schedule. The Gunthers prioritized quality time during their wedding, and their two-day affair helped them achieve that. “We wanted time to spend with the people who are most important to us,” Lexie says. “We actually got to spend all that time with our family and bridal party the first day and then spent our cocktail hour the next day with friends without cutting anyone short.” Sam adds that the structure of their event afforded them one-on-one time that an evening reception often doesn’t allow for. “We were always with people. We got to spend a lot of time with our people,” he says.

This was also important to Christian Griggs-Drane and Adam Roher, who married at the Linden Row Inn on Feb. 19 of this year. The couple hosted a microwedding with 10 close friends and family members. “I really wanted to integrate us into our community, and that doesn’t happen with a flashy wedding where you don’t speak to anyone. It was important to me to have a meaningful conversation with every person who was there that day,” Griggs-Drane says.

No black tux anymore. [Couples are] going for cool colors and unique patterns.

—Anne-Michelle Forbes, The Hive Wedding Collective

Clarke notes “anti-bride” couples are looking for more quality time in a wedding, especially with one another. Where typically they’re separated until a first look or the walk down the aisle, couples are getting creative to spend more time together. “I’ve seen more couples spending more time together on their wedding day overall — engaging more before the ceremony and people not wanting to be separate from their partner. I have a couple going for a swim together the morning before their wedding at River Run,” she says. “It’s about your friends and family and two families coming together, but it really is about the couple.” In this spirit, couples are focused on making sure that their wedding is an accurate depiction of themselves, their love and their unique story. “The wedding day feeling more personal and intimate and reflecting their personal style — that’s what I see with the ‘anti-bride’ trend,” Clarke says.

Incorporating locations significant to the love story of the happy couple is a common way of personalizing the event and imbuing it with special meaning. Clarke recalls a couple who wed in front of William Fox Elementary School in the Fan because it held a special significance to them. They also took wedding photos on the porch of a nearby home in the neighborhood where they had lived together. Other clients Clarke has worked with loved The Branch Museum of Architecture & Design, but they weren’t able to secure the location for their special event. Instead they opted to recite private vows and take photos there prior to their formal ceremony and reception.

Williamson and Madriaga centered their wedding day activities around the Fan neighborhood where they reside. They wanted their out-of-town guests to experience Richmond like locals and relish the places that were special to them, which is why they held their wedding at the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts.

Having a wedding that felt personal to them was a priority for Griggs-Drane and Roher. Not only did they want their wedding to reflect their personal style but also their values. “We took the time to think about what was important,” Griggs-Drane says. “You get bogged down by this ad nauseam of these decisions that need to be made, and I felt a little overwhelmed, and Adam was like, ‘We just need to do what we want to do.’ It made it very individual to us and a representation [of us] from a value standpoint. I’m so glad it turned out the way it did because the day got to be a reflection of us as a couple without it being ceremonial, and I didn’t want to be affronted by the antiquated norms.”

To (I) Do or Not to (I) Do

Regardless of whether a wedding is planned traditionally or by following a new trend such as the “anti-bride” movement, there are bound to be positive and negative aspects. A traditional wedding can feel like a rite of passage because it includes elements that have been practiced by prior generations, while going modern can turn a special event into a casual affair. Too, tossing out the traditional checklist risks forgetting something that’s important for the newlyweds on the big day. However, couples who opt for a nontraditional wedding largely see the pros.

For Griggs-Drane, the “anti-bride” trend assisted in achieving the personalized wedding he was hoping for. “I didn’t feel like someone was going to have the same experience I was going to have next week.

I didn’t want it to feel like it was a manufactured affair, and it wasn’t,” he says. By not following a traditional format and deciding to “let go and let God,” Griggs-Drane says he felt less stressed during his wedding.

While Williamson appreciates the importance of tradition, she loves being an “anti-bride” for all the ways it promotes creativity. “I absolutely adore the rise in innovative, original, experimental, even avant-garde weddings,” she says. “It’s such a special, ideally, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to build a world that expresses you as a couple. You do not have to have a wedding that you’ve seen before. You can create something entirely new, and that’s what I love about the ‘anti-bride’ trend. If the trend gives more people permission to do their wedding their way, that’s a huge win.” Lexie Gunther echoes the sentiment, crediting the “anti-bride” movement with affording her and her husband, Sam, a freeform structure for their big day. “Adopting this mindset means you get to do what you want, which is usually a more enjoyable experience,” she says.

What’s most important is that partners can look back on their day as an accurate depiction of their love story and cherish the memories they have created.

There are also pitfalls to avoid when planning an “anti-bride” wedding. One key aspect of a nontraditional nuptial — its distinctiveness — can complicate the planning process as much as it simplifies it. “I imagine that it might be a bit harder to find vendors that are able to execute your vision exactly how you want it,” Williamson says. Forbes says she’s experienced it with clients; she’s had to curb expectations for those who have unique ideas that may not be logistically viable.

Going against tradition can also impact expectation and execution of the day. For the Gunthers, that came in the form of inquiries from attendees. “You get a lot of questions from guests and family and friends about [having a more nontraditional wedding],” Lexie Gunther says. “It could start to creep into your mind from a doubt standpoint.”

Forbes has also seen couples consider the effect that their out-of-the-box choices may have on others. “A lot of folks are working closely with family or people who are financially contributing. The traditions they had are different than the things we enjoy now,” she says. Clarke agrees, saying, “People’s parents will always have an opinion, especially if they are paying for it or had a traditional wedding themselves.”

Ballard-Bryant has also seen this play out for her couples. “Sometimes those traditions can mean so much to your family members but maybe not to you. There are a lot of different ways to incorporate your family without those traditions,” she says.

This begs the question: Do couples think they’re missing out by not incorporating their parents’ traditions into their wedding? For many “anti-bride” couples and planners, the answer is “no.” “No client has given me the feedback that they wish they subscribed to more traditional elements. They’re glad they went with their gut,” Forbes says. Griggs-Drane agrees, saying, “I would not have asked for anything better because we got to say how we want [our wedding] done.”

Griggs-Drane is also happy about the financial savings the microwedding afforded him and his husband. When asked about the pros of a nontraditional nuptial, he says, “I’m not in debt.” According to Ballard-Bryant, who planned and officiated the Griggs-Drane-Roher wedding, a lot of this is due to guest count. Smaller attendance numbers can decrease the cost of the venue and food. It may seem that a more personalized wedding would result in a higher price tag, but the Gunthers were able to stay on budget even with a two-day affair.

An additional upside is that couples have more say in how their money is spent. “The copious amount of money you’re spending is going towards something you love that’s infused with your personality,” Forbes says. “I’d rather the couple spend money on things they absolutely love than entering a wedding that doesn’t feel true to them.”

Whether doing what they love looks like altering traditions to better fit their unique story or style or putting the kibosh on formality altogether for a one-of-a-kind event, the sentiment of “anti-bride” is the same. What’s most important is that partners can look back on their day as an accurate depiction of their love story and cherish the memories they have created.

A Day All Their Own

Despite being from Richmond and Canada respectively, Christian Griggs-Drane and Adam Roher met in New Zealand, where they lived during the COVID-19 pandemic. A dating app brought the two together, and Griggs-Drane says they’ve been aligned on their values since the very beginning. Something else they aligned on? Not having a traditional wedding. “We never wanted a big, huge wedding,” Griggs-Drane says. “We didn’t want it to feel like a production, and that’s how I think of big weddings.”

The couple opted to take advantage of the fact that both their families and friends were in town to watch Griggs-Drane, who was a company artist with the Richmond Ballet, star in the February 2024 production of “Dracula.” “His family from around the country and Canada and my family from around the country were coming in to see me dance, so we just made the choice to capitalize on the fact that everyone was in town,” Griggs-Drane says.

The partners gathered their loved ones for a morning microwedding at the Linden Row Inn on Feb. 19, 2024. The couple walked down the aisle together and had a personalized ceremony that represented their long-distance relationship and journey to the altar. Afterward, they held lunch at Common House Richmond and spent the evening celebrating with additional friends and family at The Tobacco Company’s Art Deco Lounge. “[Having a nontraditional wedding] created a day for us that could not have gone better,” Griggs-Drane says.

For Griggs-Drane and Roher, a nonconforming ceremony provided them the opportunity to celebrate their relationship and not have to fit within traditional gender roles or practices. “I didn’t have to make choices about how I fit in a heteronormative ceremony. I didn’t want to fit any mold because we’re individuals, and we wanted it to be about Christian Griggs-Drane and Adam Roher,” Griggs-Drane says.

In true essence of the “anti-bride” trend, Griggs-Drane and Roher focused on what was significant to them, creating an atmosphere that centered on the couple and their celebration of love.

Following Their Hearts

Shelby Williamson hadn’t envisioned what her wedding would look like until she got engaged to Martin Madriaga, and then the picture became clear. The couple, who wed on Sept. 23, 2023, wanted some traditional aspects of a wedding, like a bridal party, vows, first dances, but the conformity stopped there. Everything else about the wedding would be personalized to Williamson and Madriaga’s style.

“We wanted to fill those predetermined facets of a wedding experience with imaginative, unconventional solutions that represented us and our taste,” Williamson says.

Incorporating their love of RVA into their big day was also key for Williamson and Madriaga. “Our wedding was concentrated in a three-block radius in the Fan, which is exactly how we intended it,” Williamson says. “We had friends and family come in from all over the country, and we wanted them to experience Richmond just like we did.” Their celebration started with a trip to Early Bird Biscuit Co., where the couple had breakfast together and shared in excitement for the upcoming ceremony. They chose the renowned Virginia Museum of Fine Arts as their wedding venue.

They kept their song choices more modern, playing “Zebra” by Beach House and “To Love” by Suki Waterhouse as they walked down the aisle. The bride danced with her father to “Dancing in the Dark” by Bruce Springsteen as sung by her brother, who was also her man of honor. Madriaga and his mother danced to “Your Mama Don’t Dance” by The Shakers.

Looking back on their day, Williamson and Madriaga are glad to have followed their hearts when planning a more nonconforming wedding. “I am proud to have a wedding that was unique. I’m proud of myself and Martin for being definitive around what mattered to us, what we wanted it to look and feel like, and not settling for anything less,” Williamson says. “The greatest compliment we’ve received about our wedding is that it’s ‘so us’ because that’s exactly what we set out to do: create an experience that exemplified us as a couple and our love for all the people we love most.”