Wedding Culture

With Richmond as a cultural melting pot, today’s weddings often transcend tradition, involving brides and grooms honoring their past, while providing their own personal spin. Wedding traditions vary by couple and by culture. While many ceremonies involve the exchange of a gift — in the form of a ring — others may include prayers in an ancient language, the “crowning” of the bride and groom, and even the involvement of a “godfather” who promises to support and guide the couple through their married life.

Receptions can be unique as well, ranging from a simple cake-and-punch gathering in a church basement to a full-on dance party with paid entertainers. Some couples whose ties to other countries remain strong, because of their own experiences or their families’ heritages, choose to incorporate elements that give their ceremonies and receptions extra flair, thus honoring old traditions. Here’s a look into the wedding customs of four cultures.

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Cultural Melting Pot

Kiran Kumar and Leah Itagaki chose to have a traditional Hindu ceremony when they married in October 2016 in part to honor Kumar’s Indian background but also because they knew it would be fun.

“Having a Hindu wedding was kind of an excuse for us to throw a giant party and thank a lot of people for being in our lives,” Kumar says. “A Hindu wedding is a giant party.”

Kumar’s father was born in India, and his mother grew up in West Virginia to Indian parents. Kumar himself grew up in Midlothian and, at the time, says he “definitely stood out ethnically.” “Culturally, I was more American,” he says. “It’s easier to conform when you’re growing up with other American kids.”

But when it was time to plan his wedding, Kumar says, his parents did have some specific cultural requests. Luckily, Itagaki’s parents had already thrown a wedding for her twin sister and were “culturally flexible,” allowing for a wedding celebration that was more the groom’s side than the bride’s.

While some Hindu weddings can have weeklong celebrations, Kumar and Itagaki’s was a weekend full of events at the DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel in Midlothian. They started with a Friday evening reception in which Itagaki wore a salwar, a traditional Indian dress, and guests enjoyed traditional food, henna stations, and Indian dances led by Kumar’s cousins.

“A Hindu wedding is a giant party.”

For the wedding itself on Saturday, the couple had a 90-minute ceremony followed by lunch, then an Americanized reception that evening. The ceremony included Sanskrit, and both Kumar and Itagaki wore traditional Indian attire. For the reception, they changed into Western clothes: He wore a suit with a purple shirt, and she wore a purple dress. Sunday included an Indian-style brunch before people headed home.

Kumar says that even though the weekend was mostly Hindu, it was clear the event truly included a blending of families. “It was a great reason for my father to bring over his family from India,” he says, noting that such trips are usually connected to large family events. “It brought together a lot of family who I hadn’t seen in years.”

Some of Itagaki’s extended family also came from Japan (her father emigrated to the U.S. as a child) and wore kimonos to the festivities. At the end of the wedding, Kumar broke a wine glass, the classic ending of a Jewish wedding ceremony. “Everyone, including the priest, was flexible on including a little flair,” Kumar says.

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Coming Together as One

The Armenian community in Richmond is closely aligned with St. James Armenian Church, which is logical considering that Armenia was the first nation in the world to declare — in the fourth century — Christianity as its state religion. 

Rev. Fr. Tatev Terteryan, pastor of St. James, says marriage is a holy sacrament of the Eastern Oriental Orthodox church, requiring certain procedures. In addition to baptism and religious instruction, the couple participates in an engagement service in which they state their intent to marry and receive God’s blessing.

In the wedding ceremony, bride and groom enter the church together and are greeted by the priest before taking seats in beautiful chairs, where they are crowned, for they are “considered to be a king and queen,” Terteryan says. The service is sung and said in both Armenian and English, and includes a godfather, chosen by the couple, who holds a cross above their heads in blessing.  

“My heritage was deeply ingrained in me by my parents.”

At the end of the ceremony, the bride and groom drink wine from a shared cup, to symbolize their union. “It has the sweetness and bitterness of the life they will have,” Terteryan says. 

Tania Thornton married her husband, Richard, at St. James in November 2015, which was a “no-brainer,” she says. Both of her parents are Armenian; she is the first in her family to be born in the United States, and she grew up at St. James. 

“My heritage was deeply ingrained in me by my parents,” she says, noting that the Armenian genocide during World War I resulted in a “small and proud” community of survivors determined to maintain their culture.

The reception, held at The Historic John Marshall Ballrooms, featured a traditional Armenian entrance with the bride and groom dancing alongside musicians led by St. James organist Raffi Bandazian, who has a band that specializes in Armenian songs. “I said ‘You do the music; you know what to do; just make it happen,’ ” Thornton says. She was delighted to see a davul — a two-sided drum commonly used in wedding celebrations.

Thornton says her husband is “as Virginian as you can get,” with British and German ancestry. Richard has embraced her Armenian background. 

Though hers isn’t an arranged marriage like her parents’ marriage was 46 years ago, Thornton says her husband’s respect for her family and their traditions was key in her family welcoming him. “Not everyone puts that effort into embracing the culture; that’s been huge for my family.”

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Wishes for Prosperity

Jinky Ebarle-Tweedie moved to the United States from the Philippines nearly 20 years ago, and she still feels a strong connection to her first home. Her November 2017 wedding paid tribute to her heritage while acknowledging the life she has now.

First, Ebarle-Tweedie and her husband, Don, hastened their wedding date to avoid sukob, the Filipino superstition that says it’s bad luck for direct relatives to be married in the same year. With Don’s son planning a wedding for 2018, the couple needed to make sure their wedding happened in 2017.

The location of the wedding was a departure, however. Instead of being held in a church, the ceremony was at The Federal Club in Glen Allen and was officiated by a Filipino Episcopalian priest. 

“I grew up on an island,” Ebarle-Tweedie says. “I wanted it to be peaceful and quiet.”

“There’s a very, very good Filipino community here in Richmond.”

Several key Filipino traditions were included in the ceremony. To symbolize the couple’s union, they were draped in a shared veil and also had a cord — in the shape of an 8, to signify infinity — placed around them. The couple also lit unity candles, demonstrating the blending of families. Another tradition is arrhae, or the wedding coins. A Spanish influence that took root in the Philippines, the wedding coins are presented during the ceremony as a wish for the couple’s prosperity in married life. Because Ebarle-Tweedie is half-Chinese, she has coins she uses to celebrate the Lunar New Year; these were also used in her wedding. “Mine have value to me,” she says.

During the ceremony, Ebarle-Tweedie acknowledged her aunt, who walked in the procession holding a photograph of Ebarle-Tweedie’s deceased mother, with the traditional mano po — a gesture that represents both respect and the conveying of a blessing. 

In addition to family, Ebarle-Tweedie says she and her husband included sponsors in their wedding. “This is a big thing for Filipinos,” Ebarle-Tweedie says. “You want to pick people who you want to model your marriage after.”

She adds, “There’s a very, very good Filipino community here in Richmond.” 

The reception included a traditional money dance, in which guests were asked to pin money to Ebarle-Tweedie’s dress, again to bring prosperity. 

Ebarle-Tweedie says her husband (who is of Scottish-Irish descent) and his family enjoyed experiencing her Filipino inclusions. “They embraced it; they really loved it,” she says. “They enjoyed the whole community that was there for me.”

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Celebrating Family Roots

Many Lebanese are followers of the Maronite Church, an Eastern Catholic religion that is in full communion with the Roman Catholic church. Wedding traditions are a blend of Catholic theology merged with the Mediterranean culture, and typically include gifts and celebrations before the actual marriage. 

Natalie Haboush, who was raised in Richmond to Lebanese parents, is now planning her wedding to her fiancé Elie Ghassan Khoury in Lebanon. She moved to Lebanon in 2009 for graduate school and decided to stay. But, she says, she always knew she wanted to be married there. 

“Every wedding I ever attended [in Lebanon] seemed like a scene from a fairy tale,” she says. “The weddings are breathtaking. They are filled with culture and emotions and music and dancing and never-ending fun. The party literally goes on until sunrise.”

Haboush, who now lives in her family’s Lebanese hometown, says her wedding will be held in a church that is 180 years old. The reception, with traditional music and dancing, will be held at Karm el Joz, one of the largest walnut orchards in Lebanon. 

And, she notes, she will include American traditions as well. In Lebanese weddings, the groom meets his bride at the door of the church and escorts her in. Haboush will be escorted down the aisle by her father, and there will be a father-daughter dance at the reception. 

“Every wedding I ever attended [in Lebanon] seemed like a scene from a fairy tale.”

Haboush says she can’t imagine having any other kind of celebration. “I think culture is what differentiates you from the ordinary and provides you with a different perspective on life,” she says. “It is an honor to have been introduced to my family’s roots.”

Here in Richmond, couples who want a traditional Lebanese wedding have the option of holding the ceremony at Saint Anthony Maronite Church in Glen Allen. For the reception, Natalie’s Taste of Lebanon restaurant has a venue with traditional food and decor.

Anne-Marie Irani, co-owner of Natalie’s, says that she and her husband opened the restaurant in December 2016, to provide a place for people to experience Lebanese food and culture. The restaurant hosted a wedding reception last year, with live music and plenty of dancing. 

“It was a great party,” she says. 

Haboush hopes that many friends from America will come to Lebanon for her wedding in August, so they can experience what the country has to offer. 

“I’m just so excited for those who do make it [to the wedding] to go back and share their first-hand accounts and experiences,” she says.