Illustration by Carson McNamara
I like what I like.
I prefer to think of myself as a regular. I go to the same restaurant every week. I visit the same handful of vendors every Tuesday and Saturday at the farmers market. And I order the same coffee, with extra ice, whenever I need a pick-me-up.
In a world that overvalues new arrivals, I find comfort in sticking with what I know. We get so busy “sampling” that we rarely stay long enough to really enjoy the thing — to go deep and discover what’s truly special.
Being a regular is far from ordinary. It demands intention, deliberateness and an unwavering sense of purpose. You’ve got to give a damn, and that kind of commitment is increasingly scarce.
As a regular, I’m not just consuming a service. I’m participating in a relationship.
At my neighborhood restaurant, where I’m a 5-star patron, I know my waitress by name. I notice when her energy has its usual warm hum and when it’s quieter than normal. I see when she switches her nail shape from coffin to stiletto. And she knows that I like the third table on the left and want black decaf coffee after my meal. Our regular exchange — learning, knowing and understanding — is attunement: seeing and being seen in small, human ways that extend beyond a transaction.
So much support has become performative. Too often, we show up once to dine, snap the photos, post to Instagram, declare it a 10 out of 10 and urge others to eat there, too — and then we disappear, often subconsciously, moving on to the next hot spot.
Being a regular requires return. It asks us to let interest compound over time. There’s comfort in having a constant — a safe space for your nervous system. A familiar go-to that may not dazzle every time but will always serve your favorite smoky bluefish dip with pillowy focaccia (yes, I’m talking about you, Alewife).
Practicing the art of being a regular is a countercultural act that I believe can benefit our collective good. It asks us to commit — not just to places, but to the notion that “good enough” exists, and that constantly searching for better may be the very thing keeping us unfulfilled.
In a world obsessed with seeking out the next new thing, becoming a regular might just be the most radical thing you can do.
Rules for Becoming a Regular
- Choose one restaurant and stay awhile. Pick a place you genuinely enjoy — not because it’s trendy, but because it feels good to be there. And once you choose it, resist the urge to keep optimizing. Instead of asking, “What else is out there?” try asking, “What more is here?”
- Learn names and notice details. Connection lives in the details. Pay attention. Ask questions. And remember that connection deepens when we get curious.
- Return even when it’s not exceptional. We all have days when we aren’t operating at our very best — and yet, we’re still deserving. The magic of being a regular isn’t found in perfect experiences, but in choosing to stay for the moments that are simply good enough.
