Todd Coolidge and Dusty Behner on the day of their Zoom wedding (Photo by Madeline Brooker)
Dusty Behner and Todd Coolidge met in Hawaii 10 years ago, as artists involved in the same play: She was the costume designer; he was onstage. In a subsequent production — this one a murder mystery — they were both onstage, working together to portray a married couple. Depending on the night, one or the other was the killer.
Earlier this fall, Behner and Coolidge staged their own show, where they followed stage marks, relied on others to follow a script and had an audience. The twist? It was their wedding, held via Zoom to overcome the bounds of a pandemic and to include family and friends around the world.
The pair, who had been in relationships with others while in Hawaii, had left that state separately, years ago. By chance, they both landed in Richmond. Thanks to a LinkedIn request from Coolidge — that Behner says should have gone directly into her spam folder but somehow didn’t — they reconnected and began dating in April 2018.
Engaged in February, the duo realized a destination wedding, bringing together family and friends from throughout the U.S. and overseas, wasn’t an option. They regrouped quickly.
“We knew we couldn’t ask everyone to travel but still wanted to get married this year,” Behner says. “I saw a story on CNN about a couple who got married on Zoom and thought, ‘We can do this.’ ”
Coolidge and Behner created a magnetic save-the-date card mimicking a TV show promo and began constructing their event. Behner assembled and mailed approximately 70 boxes to guests containing props to be used during the festivities: bubbles, ring pops, ribbons with bells attached. An included program offered instructions for when each item was to be used.
“My whole goal was not for people to sit there watching and being bored,” she says. “I was nervous about sending [the boxes]; I didn’t want them to be silly, tacky or weird. But everyone sent me a picture of them opening it and how exciting it was.”
They held Zoom practice sessions in advance for their mothers, with Behner playing virtual bingo with her mom weekly to help her acclimate to the new technology. “We had rehearsals with our moms so it looked like they were lighting our unity candle,” she says.
Some of the guests at the virtual wedding (Image courtesy Dusty Behner and Todd Coolidge)
Their Sept. 20 wedding, held via Zoom, spanned six time zones, including Behner’s father and brother in Alaska and her mother in Oregon; Coolidge’s mom in London; and friends in Hawaii, Arizona, Virginia, New York and South Korea.
Coolidge and Behner met with their officiant in advance to sign paperwork, so she could preside from another location. They said their vows on their porch, while a camera person and prop manager supervised. And there was a wedding photographer, too.
“Todd is a director, so he made sure the camera and lighting were just right, and we had spike marks [on the floor] to follow,” Behner says. Advance rehearsals ensured the rose petals, thrown by the flower girl in her own house, actually “landed” at the feet of the couple.
Behner says their Zoom wedding was surprisingly easy.
“I wasn’t nervous because it was just me and Todd – very intimate and nice,” she says. “I didn’t have the stage fright or anxiety that I think I would have had in a big service.”
After the ceremony, the couple invited comments from guests, who indicated via the chat function when they wanted to speak. When they viewed the Zoom recording, Behner says, she and Coolidge enjoyed seeing their guests meet one another in the 20 minutes before the couple made their entrance.
“The funniest thing was family and friends asking what people got in their party boxes and introducing themselves,” Behner says. “My Uncle Lee, who doesn’t use Zoom, was the first to come in. It was so adorable and wonderful to see everyone!”
Behner and Coolidge share a dance on their wedding day. (Photo by Madeline Brooker)
Behner and Coolidge had hoped to honeymoon in Japan, but those plans are on hold. Now, they’re also considering adding stops in the many locations from which their guests participated. “Todd wants to make a T-shirt and list the cities, just like a band’s tour shirt,” Behner says.
Like any wedding, it was memorable.
Behner says, “Several people messaged me after the wedding and said, ‘People will remember 2020 as a terrible time and a terrible year, but I’m going to remember this as the year Dusty and Todd got married, and I had a front-row Zoom seat.’ ”
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