Few tropes are as prevalent on social media as the blissful family fun day. Whether it’s a beatific mom grinning at her flour-covered children as they bake chocolate chip cookies together or a dad taking his son to his first baseball game, our feeds are flooded with seemingly perfect family moments. I’m a mother of three, and I often post this type of highlight-reel content. But I must admit that we, parents of social media, are often lying through our teeth.
We may show smiling moments to the world, but the reality behind those photos is the horror we experienced as we watched 10 snot-nosed children sneeze onto a communal birthday cake or when our toddler threw a tantrum at the top of a mountain and had to be carried, firefighter style, back down it.
In my experience, the most painful activities are usually the ones billed as the most “fun.” In the spirit of full disclosure, my personal list:
Birthdays
As a parent, you spend many Saturday and Sunday afternoons in the company of strangers, awkwardly standing around holding plastic cups full of juice and watching as cake-covered children lose their minds at a decibel rarely heard by the human ear. There is nothing my kids love more than a birthday party. But as an introvert, it’s a special form of torture for me to make small talk by a bounce house.
Walks
About every three months, either my husband or I will suggest that we become one of those families that take nightly, post-dinner walks. It seems idyllic, even Thoreau-like in its simplicity and call to nature. And with our hopes up high, we set off into the night with our children in tow, each assigned to a bike or tricycle. Thirty minutes later, we lurch back into our driveway, red-faced and covered in sweat, each carrying a squirming, child whose legs “hurt” as well as their long-abandoned bike or trike.
Baking
I wish I could be that mom who loves to bake with their kids, who laughs off the mess and the chaos. It’s such a quaint picture to spend long hours in the kitchen teaching my children old family recipes that they will one day pass on. And maybe when they are older, we will do just that. But until I can trust them not to spit into my cake batter, I want them to stay far, far away from the kitchen.
Restaurants
There are people who take their kids to “real” restaurants and handle it beautifully. I am not one of those people. When we take our kids to a restaurant, I often spend half the time on a “restaurant walk” with whoever is acting rowdiest and the other half shoveling food in my mouth in a state of panic.
Theme Parks and Fairs
There is magic to be found at a theme park or state fair. The existence of a fried Twinkie proves it. However, we as a family simply have not found it. Our dabbles in the land of amusement parks have left me sweaty, exhausted, and searching online for the best brands of children’s leashes.
The reality of parenting tiny kids is that for a few years, most outings, even the “fun” ones, are going to be at least a little hard. But the older my kids get, the more I let go of my expectations of perfect family experiences and embrace authentic moments. Beauty shows itself, I’m learning, when life gets a little messy.
Elizabeth Becker is a writer, a registered nurse and a mom of three.
