Illustration by Karly Andersen
As the last day of school looms, parents are anticipating summer. It’s an exciting time, with beach plans, ballgames, family vacations and a list of day camps and summer activities. For single parents — especially those without support — summer can be more of a challenge as the consistency of a school schedule is paused. Picture this: A single mom is dragging two kids, a beach cart with umbrellas, chairs, towels, a cooler and 43 beach toys (that won’t be used for more than five minutes) across a sandy beachfront road, then supervising one child who prefers to play in the sand while the other seeks the deepest wave possible. (And it’s me. That picture is me.) Single parenting is not for the faint of heart.
Single parents may be in vastly different places in life, whether they are in a supportive co-parenting relationship or have no support system, are working a traditional 8-to-5 job and need daily child care or maintaining telework or in-home employment while simultaneously keeping their kids occupied. For these or any number of scenarios, summer can be particularly challenging for single parents. While it often feels like there are not enough hours in the day or nights in the week, being intentional in planning summer activities and taking key steps may help keep every day from feeling like total chaos.
Make plans, and learn to say ‘no.’
How often will this activity occur? Will this schedule work with other siblings’ activities? Although it can be hard to say no, it can be exhausting when the calendar is too full. Give your child a choice. Do they want to do Scouts or play a sport? Do they prefer to take music lessons or be involved in theater? Alternate activities in the following season but choose only one or two favorite activities.
As parents, we sometimes think more about the future, while our kids live in the present. Consider whether an all-or-nothing approach is necessary or feasible. For example, if your child loves baseball and wants to play this season, you may automatically see visions of baseball scholarships and want them to play every season (plus travel ball and all-stars) to give them the best opportunity and biggest advantage. Most sports involve one weekly practice, one weekly game and some practice at home, which can mean a minimum of three nights a week. If you have multiple kids of different ages in the same sport, they are likely on different teams. Even one sporting activity per season for three children can add up to a schedule that clearly doesn’t work for one parent.
Share the load.
If you don’t have a strong family support system, you may need to enlist help from friends or other parents. Get to know the parents of your child’s friends by participating in school activities or through existing activities such as sports or lessons. Offer to do a ride share for activities in which your kids both participate. Bonus points if you can help another single parent in the same situation.
Stay close to home.
Look for activities that are in your area. Your county’s parks and recreation website will be a wealth of knowledge for summer youth programs, youth sports, park information and recreational classes. Activities within your own county will make for shorter transportation times and will often be more affordable than leagues, teams or lessons offered by private companies outside your home area.
Sign up.
For those places that you enjoy visiting often, purchase a membership and use it. Whether it’s an amusement park, a community pool or water park, a museum or botanical gardens, make that place a regular hangout with your child. Buying a season pass can be a significant upfront cost, but it will pay for itself if you go once a week — or more often — throughout the summer. A public library card is free, and summer reading programs keep your little one’s brain working and sharpen reading skills.
Be intentional about your plans this summer. Buy an old-fashioned paper calendar and make plans with rather than for your child. Talk to other single parents or join an in-person or social media group to share ideas with other single parents who know your unique situation and challenges. Removing the guesswork and daily struggle will allow you to spend quality time with your kids this summer.
Richmond native Kari Smith is a freelance writer, dairy goat farmer and single mother of two.
