Illustration by Karly Anderson
It’s a question many expectant parents ask: What are we going to do for child care? Before the COVID-19 pandemic, obtaining a spot in a day care or finding a nanny was a little easier (not much, but a little). Now, parents and caregivers are having to consider COVID-19 mitigation strategies, vaccine requirements and myriad other factors.
Four years ago, when I was pregnant with our first daughter, I had never heard of an “au pair.” When the term was mentioned in a local Facebook group, a Google search revealed that an au pair is a young person from another country who lives with a host family and cares for their children in exchange for room, board and weekly payments. I was intrigued. I fantasized about my unborn child learning a new language and grew giddy at the thought of hosting someone from another country and culture.
Unfortunately, my family couldn’t host an au pair at the time because the small townhome we were in didn’t have an extra bedroom. Disappointed, we moved on to other options. Eventually, our daughter (and her little sister) ended up at a day-care center.
We were happy there. The 30-minute drive was annoying and costly, and the frequent ear infections our younger daughter had were exhausting, but our children were loved and thriving. They attended this center through most of the COVID-19 pandemic and survived two quarantines. We loved this center and anticipated staying there through prekindergarten, at least, despite the inconveniences.
Then the delta variant of the novel coronavirus arrived, and a day-care center was no longer the right fit for our family. I felt panicked: I wasn’t the only parent trying to find a nanny or in-home day care to minimize COVID-19 exposure. Facebook groups were full of parents searching for alternate child care. My options seemed limited. In-home day cares were either full, unlicensed or too far away. Nannies required a lot of paperwork on our part. I felt overwhelmed. I briefly considered quitting my job.
Then I was reminded (again in a Facebook group) that we could consider an au pair. Our current home was big enough, so what wasn’t an option four years ago was now incredibly appealing.
I didn’t know all of the hoops, paperwork, phone calls and other elements of this process. I’ll spare you the details of how many hours I spent scouring au pair applicants on an agency website, watching introduction videos and setting up video interviews. But in general, here is what I learned about the process:
First, find a communicative local coordinator who works for a reputable agency. The local coordinator for the agency we chose to use answered my emails within 24 hours and never seemed bothered by my constant questions. I’ve heard that isn’t always the case.
Next, be aware that the process for the au pair to get a visa can take months, so if a family is in a time crunch, an au pair may not be a feasible option. You may be able to find someone through a rematching. (Sometimes, au pairs and host families don’t work out, for whatever reason, and those au pairs may be available and already in the United States.)
Asking good, thorough interview questions in your video chats is crucial. These questions will help you get to know the future au pair, and you can get a “vibe” from them, as well as make sure they have adequate experience, a discipline philosophy that will fit your family, a desire to live where you live and so forth.
We hit the jackpot with Marina, our Argentinian au pair. She already had a visa appointment because another family matched with her and then backed out for personal reasons, so she was able to arrive in the United States within a few weeks of us deciding we were a good fit for each other.
It’s been a couple months now, and we are thrilled. We love that her schedule is flexible: As long as we keep her under 45 hours per week and give her one and a half consecutive days off, we can schedule her around our personal work schedules. With a husband who works in health care, this has been such a blessing. My 4-year-old daughter is picking up Spanish quickly and now regularly says “Muy bien, Mommy!” when I do something she likes. We are paying less per week than we did for day care by a couple hundred dollars. And, of course, we have a delightful young lady living with us whom we adore and love.
An au pair is certainly not the right choice for every family. Some might not be comfortable sharing their home or car. Others might find the language barrier difficult. However, having clear, written expectations ahead of time, using Google Translate liberally, setting clear work times and expectations, and meeting weekly to discuss what is and isn’t going well have made our transition fairly smooth.
We already know we are going to have a hard time saying goodbye to her when she returns home someday!
Christine Suders is a high school English teacher, writer and volleyball coach. She’s married to her high school sweetheart and is the mom of two young children.