Illustration by Victoria Borges
The start of 2021 didn’t have much of a “New Year” vibe for me. I went to bed well before midnight, possibly for the first time in decades. While my family and I truly had much to be grateful for, the struggles of so many others were not lost on us. With the pandemic raging, the lack of certainty continued to leave me unsettled. Despite being normally optimistic, I found it difficult to muster a positive outlook for 2021. I had not felt this cold and bleak for a long time.
This season of rebirth has helped me regain some optimism. I suspect that’s because I’m naturally attuned to this time of planting and new beginnings.
I’m finally able to think a little more clearly about what I want to experience this year, what my goals are and how I want to grow. I’m inviting you to do it with me: Process what you’ve learned from what I sometimes think of as the Lost Year, determine where you want to be at the end of this year and figure out how to move forward, so you can get life back on track.
Lessons Learned
I’ve realized a few surprising things about myself, but a couple stand out. For one, I’m pretty rigid and literal. (I’m sure my wife, friends and teammates are snorting and spitting out their coffee/wine/water right about now, as they attempt to recover and nod supportively, knowing that the only person surprised at this revelation is me.) For another, I’m not as trusting of others as I had believed I was. I had built up so many walls and dug so many moats to protect myself. As the pandemic and a national reckoning on race leveled my defenses, it occurred to me that I had built them largely out of mistrust: of the world, of people I knew, of myself. As I started to realize these things, I also realized I needed to simply sit with them, to feel them and to just open my mind and heart to accepting them.
I encourage you to do the same. Think about what you experienced and what you learned about yourself, especially the surprising stuff. The stuff that gives you chills — and perhaps a few tears — as the realization washes over you. The new knowledge that instantly leaves you understanding yourself more deeply. And then, just let it marinate, without judgment. Feel it as it takes its natural place as part of who you are.
Determine where you want to be
When it came to trusting more, I decided that meant that I would ask more questions to understand people’s intentions. I would focus more on hearing what they had to say, rather than trying to fit it into my mental framework, and when people gave me reasons to trust them, I would resist the urge to find some other reason to justify misplaced mistrust. I would also begin the deep inner work of exploring why these trust issues existed. These are journeys for me, and they will be difficult. I am grateful to my loved ones and my life’s circumstances for showing me these parts of myself.
As you reflect on what changes you want to make and where you want to be, I encourage you to go beyond just being/doing the opposite. The process requires specificity and nuance to identify what the change looks like. Think about the different behaviors or mindsets you might exhibit or access to bring about change.
Moving Forward
If you’re like me, this is the area where you can use a little help. Here’s what I suggest: Make a punch list. Keep it open on your laptop, or in your phone’s notes app. Check it each day, and when something’s done, strike it through — but don’t delete it! Seeing what you’ve accomplished as the year goes by will be important. When you find yourself procrastinating on something, mark it in red and move it up to the top of the list. And if it doesn’t come off the list after a while, take a timeout and either just focus and get it done, or figure out what’s holding you back.
On Track
The past year has been filled with loss, despair, isolation and fear. Working through and overcoming some of these experiences will take a while. At the same time, I hope you can realize that if you are reading this, you still have hope, you still have a future, you can begin again and you can get life back on track. Doing so will help you heal. And healing will help you be a better partner, parent, friend, coworker and neighbor.
So get started. Reflect. Intend. Do. And just imagine what kind of impact a better you can have on our community and our world.
James Warren has called Richmond home for 15 years. Vice president with brand strategy and consulting firm JMI, he founded the company’s storytelling startup, Share More Stories.
