Illustration by Christiana Sandoval
It’s 4 o’clock in the morning, and the baby just woke up again. As I hustle past our bedroom mirror to the nursery, I catch a glimpse of myself. My hair is disheveled, my sweatpants and faded T-shirt are wrinkled. Zombie chic — that’s what I’d dub my look these days. But dark-circled puffy eyes and less-than-glamorous hair are of minute concern to parents of new babies; we use almost all our energy to love, care for and protect our little ones. With whatever I have left over, I have learned to give precedence to sleep.
During those first months at home with a new baby, sleep is a precious commodity to parents, and you probably need more of it than you actually get. These ideas have helped me and other parents maximize our snooze time and get more quality rest.
Shift Gears
My husband and I have developed a “shift” system that has worked well for us in the first month with our new son, Darius. We put the baby to sleep in the evening, and then one of us goes to bed early, around 7:30 or 8 p.m. (we alternate nights). Meanwhile, the other parent stays up to put our preschooler, David, to bed around 8:30, restock the nighttime milk bottles and finish a light chore like loading the dishwasher before heading to bed. Baby Darius usually wakes up again around 11 p.m., and the parent who went to sleep first gets up to care for him; this time period is what we call the first shift. After that, we take turns getting up throughout the night. Both of us get a solid four to six hours of sleep a night this way.
Naps for the Win
Babies spend most of their time sleeping, averaging 11 to 17 hours for young babies, according to the Pediatric Sleep Council, an international team of child sleep experts. I try to nap when our baby naps at least once during the day. Even an hour of uninterrupted sleep makes a big difference in my energy level, and it helps me power through the rest of the day. In Darius’ earliest weeks, a whirlwind set to a soundtrack of his incessant crying, my husband and I would cycle through the morning feedings and diaper changes bleary-eyed after nights that were seemingly endless. On those kinds of days, we’d sneak in a nap whenever possible, just as we did when our first son was a newborn.
Help Me Out
In an informal poll of parents of babies and young children in my circle, parents routinely said they rely on help from family members and friends, allowing them to get some rest during those first few weeks or months with a newborn. I say yes when my mom offers to watch the baby so I can take a nap. If friends offer to bring your family dinner, let them, and spend the time you would’ve spent cooking cuddling with your new baby or resting. “If somebody offers to come over and watch your baby so you can grab a shower and eat, don’t feel bad about taking them up on their offer,” one friend who’s a mom of three told me. “Learning to accept some help instead of trying to handle it all myself was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, and it was so necessary.”
Let It Go
It’s hard to keep up with housework when you have a baby, doubly so if you have other children. Accept this, and give yourself permission to let the dishes slide. Popular parenting forum BabyCenter advises cutting back a bit. “Simplify your daily routine and try to tackle one small task a day — like cleaning the kitchen floor or folding the laundry.” Prioritizing sleep over a strenuous cleaning routine helps you best care for your kids.
Just Hold On
While it sometimes feels like you may never sleep again, hang in there. As babies get older, they establish a sleep pattern, which may help you reclaim your rest at night. “By the end of their first month, most newborns do manage to figure out how to consolidate their sleep into longer stretches and start to get at least one extended stretch of sleep each 24-hour day,” advise Dr. Laura A. Jana and Dr. Jennifer Shu in their American Academy of Pediatrics-recommended book, “Heading Home With Your Newborn.” “By 3 months of age, many babies get approximately two-thirds of their total daily sleep during the night.” With perseverance and patience, you can start sleeping like a baby again soon.
