Édua, right, baking brownies with William and Anders (Photo by Morgan Edwards)
With two boys, 13 and 11, our hectic household can reach chaos level quickly. We live more than 700 miles from our family, and we’ve struggled to find a consistent and affordable babysitter who puts away the leftover pizza.
Last spring, I was feeling particularly overwhelmed with our work-life balance when a friend recommended an au pair. After some research, I realized it’s more affordable than I initially thought. For one year, we would have live-in child care while getting to know someone from another country. We pitched the idea to the boys, and they thought it sounded fun.
The application process involved uploading photos and describing our interests — basically like a dating app, where you’re hoping your family doesn’t get rejected. We matched with Édua, a 19-year-old from Hungary who was hoping to experience the United States during a gap year before college.
But before arrival, I started second-guessing our decision. What would it be like having someone live with us? Would she mesh well with our family or head home the minute things got crazy? Thankfully, Édua fits right in. She has two teenage brothers at home and wants to study psychology; we joke that she came to the right house.
Every year, more than 18,000 au pairs from 60-plus countries come to the U.S. on a student visa through the U.S. Department of State as part of a cultural exchange. For a private room, access to a car and $195 a week, au pairs provide 45 hours of work, compared to a nanny who makes roughly $900 a week. Responsibilities range from child care to household chores, cooking and carpool. The French term “au pair” translates to “at par.” They are considered an equal member of the family, sharing meals and vacations.
Linda Hahn has been an au pair consultant in the Richmond area for 27 years. With a background in social work and family therapy, Hahn is a teacher who speaks English, German and French. She guides families through the process of hosting au pairs and plans social events for them throughout the year.
“When we attend high school football games together and they see the marching band, they feel like they’re in an American movie,” Hahn says. “We have well over 100 au pairs living in the area.”
Hahn says Richmond has gained a reputation abroad for being especially welcoming and accommodating. “It’s lovely, navigable and historic, in close proximity to other East Coast cities, and between the mountains and the ocean.”
Raising children takes a village, and we’re so happy to have Édua in ours.
Since living in Richmond, Édua has met au pairs from France, Belgium, Austria, Poland, Germany and Mexico, all living the city and seeking new adventures. Their ability to communicate easily, despite English being their second, or even third language, amazes me.
I truly believe that having Édua live with us has improved our family dynamic. Outnumbered in a house with three males, I’ve welcomed the positive, and productive, energy from living in a two-woman household. Our kitchen is always clean. Anders always has a ride, William always has a playmate, and our goldendoodle gets constant affection. Édua is patient and calm. She’s excited to hear how William played in soccer or how Anders did on his algebra test. I now pause before using a grumpy voice. We sit down to family dinners more. We are kinder to one another. I’m more conscious of our bad habits, such as over-ordering on Amazon, driving instead of walking and eating junk food. Only in America can you find Icee-flavored cereal!
The boys love learning from Édua that Hungary’s St. Nick arrives on Dec. 6 and leaves candy in your shoes. Their weddings last until well after midnight, when the bride puts on a red dress. Their highway intersections and measurement systems are much simpler than ours, but their language is the most difficult in Europe.
We’ve had fun showing Édua our American culture. We brought her to the ocean for her first time. She came with me to the voting polls in November. We watched Carytown’s Zombie Parade, saw a Broadway show at the Altria and admired the lights at Lewis Ginter Botanical Garden. We turned her into a fan of macaroni and cheese, “The Voice,” Indigo Girls, and Taco Bell. And we even bought Édua her first pair of Nikes — in chic European black, of course.
When Édua first arrived, I apologized for thrusting her into mundane suburban life rather than visiting all the sights like a tourist. But with wisdom beyond her years, she told me that’s how we really notice what’s different and what’s similar. We share the same core values. We put family first. We celebrate the good times, and we help each other through the tough ones. Raising children takes a village, and we’re so happy to have Édua in ours.
Before you crack open your new 2024 planner and start piecing together babysitters, after-school care providers or summer camps, consider an au pair. You might find that, like us, they are exactly what you needed.
A freelance writer and mother of two, Laura Anders Lee hopes she won’t be called by the principal this year.
