Illustration by Christiana Sandoval Woodard
I have always loved entertaining. Since purchasing and moving into my first home, however, I’ve played host a few times, and each of these events brings out a special kind of self-doubt in me. I’m hesitant to volunteer for family gatherings or small get-togethers with friends, because, for this nester, the state of my home is a major point of pride. I’m not a fashionista, so my home is even more of a symbol of who I am and how put-together I am than even the clothes I wear.
My red front door commemorates a day spent taping and rolling paint. The hydrangeas in my garden are a reminder of the first time my boyfriend and I planted something together. Each framed photograph and piece of artwork on my walls represents a trip or a story. But what do the dusty fan blades, unpolished range hood and paint-splattered dining chairs say about me? If I claim the proud moments in my home, must I also take blame for the shameful?
Every time I prepare for company, I go into a hypercritical manic state. I rush around the house touching up paint, reorganizing cabinets, crafting decorations and fluffing pillows. Often, I can barely cool down enough to get my makeup to stick before guests arrive.
And then there’s the ugly little devil of jealousy and comparison sitting on my shoulder: “Remember that lovely water pitcher your friend had at dinner the other night?” she whispers. “Why don’t you have one of those? You’re going to force your guests to use the tap? Ugh.”
There’s this need to have everything in place, everything just so, everything Instagram-ably perfect.
Well, screw it.
As the holiday season begins, I humbly present an ode to opening your doors and enjoying good times with loved ones, without the self-imposed pressure. It’s advice that I needed to hear and perhaps you do, too.
Don Ye Jeans!
Keep it casual. My eat-in-kitchen table is far too small for a formal family dinner, but I could certainly host a post-tacky-light-tour nightcap, a craft-tastic ornament making and exchange, or perhaps an evening snuggled around the fire pit with hot chocolate and s’mores. Setting a casual tone for the event ahead of time takes away the expectations of formal entertaining.
Hark, the E-vites!
Keep invitations and RSVPs simple and organized with an app like Punchbowl, which will text or email your invitations to your guest list and track responses. You can even set it to automatically remind guests two days ahead, saving you the trouble of snail mail or group text messages.
Glory to the Dollar Store!
Set a budget. It’s easy to find yourself at Costco with a cart full of booze, snacks and decorations, wondering how just one evening can cost so much. Instead, start by deciding beforehand how much money you can set aside for the event. To keep food costs in check, consider a potluck or progressive dinner.
O, Sparkling Commode!
Instead of deep-cleaning the entire house, tidy up and then focus your efforts on a spick-and-span bathroom. The rest of your home can be dimly lit with candles and twinkle lights, so this is the one room to really scrub. Plus, it’s the room where guests will be taking a moment alone — otherwise, they’ll be busy having fun, not scrutinizing your home.
Behold, the Borrower!
Instagram, Pinterest and shelter magazines can sometimes convince us we need all of the stylish table settings and furnishings to create the perfect party. But chances are, one of your invitees would be happy to loan you a set of folding chairs or that perfect aforementioned pitcher. Don’t be afraid to put out a call.
Joy to the Host!
Relax and enjoy your loved ones. Remember, comparison is the thief of joy, and this gathering need not compete with other seasonal events. This time with your friends and family — not the Instagram post, not the decor, not even the food — is what the season is all about.