After the 2011 Regular Session, General Assembly members will reconvene in the spring to redraw legislative districts for the 40 state Senate and 100 House of Delegates seats. All of Virginia's 11 congressional districts will get redesigned, too. Our elected representatives have been known to get very creative in drawing boundaries, so why can't we?
The Transformer District
The perfect shape for the district that aspires to be "more than meets the eye." Also a great excuse for voluntary "redesigns" every couple of years. Perfect for Loudoun County, which keeps growing and growing …
Just look at the shape of Augusta County ... it's already halfway there. All it needs now is a pair of legs, an adorable gap-toothed smile and a dim-witted, starfish-shaped sidekick. I'm nominating Harrisonburg.
The Henry Marsh District
Maybe citizens would have an easier time remembering their politicians if the district more closely resembled the person who represents it. Chesterfield, consider yourself "Marshed."
Since Isle of Wight County is home to the world's oldest ham, it only seems logical to redraw the district as a delicious, bone-in Genuine Smithfield Ham. Why did it take so long for this to happen? Maybe it took Paula Deen's special touch.
The Sassy Lassy District
Shape-wise, the southwestern part of the state is boring. Nothing but dull, chunky squares. Why not sauce it up a bit with the buxom mudflap lady? What do you say, Tazewell? Just think of all the tasteful, dirt-splattered free publicity you'd get from the truckers on I-81! You might even get some more money tossed your way, in crumpled singles of course.
The Dark Knight District
Hey Campbell County, how cool would it be to show up on a map in the shape of the Batman logo? You can make it happen. And if you try really hard, I bet you can convince Robert Hurt to dress as the Caped Crusader for his Courts of Justice committee meetings. Holy legislation!
The Starbucks Caramel Frappuccino™ District
This one has your name all over it, Pittsylvania. What could be sweeter than a corporate-sponsored makeover in the shape of the world's most delicious blended and caffeinated dessert beverage? Nothing.