Rob Ullman illustration
For our July issue, columnist Pete Humes offered up some consummate Richmond cocktails to be unleashed on the public in hopes of making our fair city a first-class drinking destination. He created so many, in fact, that we ran out of room, so rather than let all that top-shelf liquor go to waste, here are a few more worthy libations:
If you can afford it, Richmond's most cultured cocktail is "serious fun." A sophisticated assortment of top shelf liquors is poured over shaved, Norwegian glacier ice and served in a crystal goblet with the rim dipped in rare Almas caviar and, what the hell... flecks of 24k gold.
Pro: The drink looks pretty and makes you feel important when you order it.
Con: Not everybody is crazy about caviar.
McCauliffe the Wild
An enthusiastic version of hot-buttered rum served over ice, with a side shot of espresso. Incredibly smooth and liberally poured into a collectible Barack Obama tankard. (The tankard is yours to keep with a minimum donation of $25 to the Democratic National Committee).
Pro: This is one of Bill and Hillary Clinton's favorite drinks.
Con: This is one of Bill and Hillary Clinton's favorite drinks.
James River Fizz
A stout, frothy concoction of dark rum, Jagermeister and black tea served on the rocks. Nobody knows what causes the foam.
Pro: This year's version of the drink contains MUCH less E. coli bacteria.
Con: Sometimes bubbles over and makes a wet mess. Occasionally stinks of dead fish.
City Council Mind Eraser
A potent mixture specially blended for the City Council Drinking Game that takes place during the live broadcast of council meetings. The rules are simple: Take a drink every time you don't understand what's going on.
Pro: Meetings usually start around six, so you should be adequately sloshed by 6:30.
Con: Even with alcohol and games, City Council meetings are soul-killing.
Extra Krispy Kremesicle
A flaming shot of fresh hot doughnut glaze mixed with Bacardi 151.
Pro: Fewer calories than a whole doughnut.
Con: Likely to catch your face and/or lap on fire.
Art Gallery Gimlet
The official drink of First Friday is a one-of-a-kind cocktail, custom-made by local artists. Not specifically designed for drinking, the Art Gallery Gimlet is more of a conversation piece meant to pretty up a room. Beverage hues and garnishes may be special ordered to complement interior decorator's color scheme.
Pro: Art in a cup means no more unsightly nail holes in your walls!
Con: You should see some of the stuff they are trying to pass off as a cocktail. My kid could make a better drink.
It's official, Mechanicsville's favorite frozen concoction has become a bona fide commercial success. The blend of tequila, Vanilla Coke, and Bubblegum Slurpee goes down cold, sweet and easy. Maybe a little too easy.
Pro: A versatile drink you can serve at college parties or family cookouts. There's a good chance even Grandma will like it!
Con: Causes painful brain freeze and morning-after dry heaves.
McDonnell's Happy Meal
If you're looking for a drink with substance, you could do worse than this brandy-spiked mug of Brunswick stew. An upstanding, meat-and-potatoes sort of cocktail that's made from actual meat and potatoes! Fills you up and warms your belly!
Pro: Made with real Virginia squirrel meat!
Con: It tastes like squirrel.